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Blast from the Past

I was cleaning up my laptop files when I saw a document entitled 'Prayers' which I don't remember writing. I read it and realized how God has answered this prayer even if I already forgot that I once uttered it. I wrote this on November 15, 2009 on one of those days when I felt I had enough. For the record though, I loved my previous employer and I took nothing but good memories and wonderful lessons learned from the year that I spent there. This just reminded me that God listens. He does. All the time. =)

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I have so much to be thankful for. I have love in my life. The love that others seek in a family, I have in much abundance. I have wonderful friends. I have lifelong friends. I know that I am not alone. I can run to people when I am in need. That alone shows that there is indeed to be thankful for.
But right now, I feel very tired. Very tired. I feel my heart can no longer forgive. My hands can no longer care. My being can no longer teach.
I want to quit. I don’t want this life. I want to be free to be with those whom I love. I want to have time to be of service to God and my community. Teaching is passion. Teaching is love. Teaching is growth. Teaching is what I have always wanted to do in life. But right now, teaching is far from that which I imagined it to be. My body is stressed. My heart is pressured. My mind is far beyond its perceived limits. I am grateful. I am. But I want to rest. I want to be able to spend my time for the things that would truly matter.
Lord, grant me the grace to love that which is so difficult to love. May you grant me the love required to move mountains. Grant me strength even just for another day. Grant me Oh Lord, the heart of service by which you are glorified in. I am forever unworthy. But, you love me Lord.  You love me like no other. It is in that love that I cling to. It is in that love that I continue to hope in. That tomorrow just might be better than yesterday.
If You will, You can Lord. May I see your glory. May it shine so brightly in my life. May it be reflected greatly in Your works through me. This, I ask and I pray through Jesus, Your Son and with the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Amen.

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#AMDG

Forever or never

This is one of those posts that I did not plan to write but end up writing. I just got home from Tuburan after bonding with my mama's side of the family and ended up looking through my emails and facebook updates. I had a bit of time left so I went through my favorite blogs and websites just to check if there was anything new. One of my favorite things to do when I have free time is watch wedding SDEs. My favorite wedding videographer is no less than Jason Magbanua. I go to his site every now and then to watch his videos and more often than not, I find myself crying over them. Yes, one of my favorite leisure time activities involves crying. :p

Kidding aside, I went to his site and saw that no new video has been added so I watched two of my many favorite videos again just for the 'fun' of it. And yes, I ended up crying again. You see, I am a big believer of 'forever' and 'till death do us part. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, the beauty of a wedding with family and friends gathered together and the miracle of love. I always pray for those things to come to me. In my twenty three years (and counting) of waiting for 'the one', I have often been tempted to settle... settle for short-term kilig-kiligs and MUs that some people may call 'harmless'. But, I thank God for giving me the grace to choose to wait. It has been very difficult and I have judged for myself that I have not been doing a good job at it as of late but I am still struggling and walking that road.

I think we get into those kind of relationships with the knowledge that you two are trying to see if you were built for marriage (feel free to blame Joshua Harris for this idea). In my moments of weakness, I watch wedding videos. Hahaha! And I say to myself, 'That's the kind of love I am waiting for!'. And in the deepest corner of my heart, a voice whispers that THAT is the kind of love I deserve. I think we all deserve that kind of love. The kind that makes you feel that you will always have a place to run home to when the rest of the world just feels like it's falling apart. The kind that brings out the best in you. I could go on and on but really, I just think we deserve to be loved the way Jesus loves us.

So, the waiting continues. I will do what I can and be the best person I can be while I am at it. I am truly hopeful that when he comes, I will be ready to meet him and that we will be ready for the journey to forever. =)

Community

I just got home from the CFC-SFC Talk Four and saw my facebook home page filled with links to the ongoing CFC-YFC International Leaders Conference happening now in Aklan. I miss going to ILCs and worshiping with the entire group. But I know in my heart that I will always be part of YFC and YFC will always be a part of me. =) I watched the recorded opening worship for the night and felt I just had to share it. The song "Have Your Way" struck me the most. More on that in another post. =)

Thank you Lord for your unfailing love despite my unfaithfulness. You are LOVE, Almighty! <3

say it all now

23/365: Twenty-three!

The shot: Science High AL Building Corridor!

The story: I just turned twenty-three! Wow, I was planning to write this realllyyy long post today but I feel like I don't have enough strength do it. I posted this shot to say that I was able to visit SciHi a while ago and it felt soooo good! Wish I had my friends with me, though. Nothing is perfect but God's design is always for the best.

I'm keeping this short by saying that the year that I was twenty-two was a year of pruning. I truly feel that I am being made into a better person through the trials that have come my way. =)

I am so grateful to God for taking me this far in my journey. Thank you Lord for the year that was and the year that is to come. May you never cease in blessing my decisions so that they may be in line with Your plans for me.

Your pasaway daughter who You love without bounds,

Mishy <3

22/365: Bucket List (25 on 25)

The shot: The title. Haha!

The story: I noticed that the previous post was my 21st post and tomorrow is going to be my 23th birthday. SO, I decided to write another one on the same day to make up for lost time and to make my 23rd post 'significant'. HAHA! Okay, I've been inspired by a LOT of people to make a bucket list. My bestfriend, Maymay and one of my favorite bloggers, Anna Oposa are two of these people who have bucket lists of their own in their blogs.

In a way, I've been making bucket lists all my life but I change my mind (and heart) so many times that I never got to make a 100-item bucket list. Taking a leaf from Anna Oposa's blog, I'm going to settle with a 25-item bucket list muna. I'm sharing this to add pressure to myself. Haha, not really. I don't think I can get more pressured than I already am (*winks). Hahahaha! I'm sharing this so the universe may conspire to make all these things come true! Weee!!! Just thinking about these things make me excited! So, here it goes..

25 Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 25:

1. Finish my thesis and get a master's degree
2. Get a scholarship abroad for a second master's degree (hopefully on an area more relevant to my job right now) or a PhD (?)
3. Go to UP Diliman
4. Go to the AYLC Reunion (15th year)
5. Establishing a partnership with RAFI to have KAC for the college student leaders
6. Win in a Sunlife Contest Month
7. Eat in a Korean Restaurant
8. Bring my family to a trip outside the country
9. Learn a new language (Korean? Mandarin? French? Spanish?)
10. Write a book (on the Teaching of Mathematics or a novel)
11. Get one of my researches published in an international journal
12. Institutionalize the honoring of board exam passers with or without topnotchers
13. Learn to cook at least one fish, pork, chicken, beef and vegetable (!?!) dish
14. Watch another play
15. Volunteer in the Bayani Challenge 2012
16. Join a SFC-CLP
17. Buy a lighter laptop
18. Initiate a Career Path Seminar for the graduating students
19. Get a new hairstyle
20. Watch the sun set and rise in Mountainview
21. Go on a (romantic) date
22. Visit my high school
23. Finish all my blog challenges
24. Go on another trip outside Cebu (to a Philippine destination I've never to so far)
25. Enroll in a creative writing class

I'm not even going to explain WHY I want to accomplish each one. I'm thinking maybe I can write a post for every single item there that I get to achieve. Hehe. What I know is that it never hurts to have a plan. Most importantly, it is always good to recognize that each of us has the right to dream. Dream BIG dreams. We have, after all, a BIG GOD! =)