Forever or never

This is one of those posts that I did not plan to write but end up writing. I just got home from Tuburan after bonding with my mama's side of the family and ended up looking through my emails and facebook updates. I had a bit of time left so I went through my favorite blogs and websites just to check if there was anything new. One of my favorite things to do when I have free time is watch wedding SDEs. My favorite wedding videographer is no less than Jason Magbanua. I go to his site every now and then to watch his videos and more often than not, I find myself crying over them. Yes, one of my favorite leisure time activities involves crying. :p

Kidding aside, I went to his site and saw that no new video has been added so I watched two of my many favorite videos again just for the 'fun' of it. And yes, I ended up crying again. You see, I am a big believer of 'forever' and 'till death do us part. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, the beauty of a wedding with family and friends gathered together and the miracle of love. I always pray for those things to come to me. In my twenty three years (and counting) of waiting for 'the one', I have often been tempted to settle... settle for short-term kilig-kiligs and MUs that some people may call 'harmless'. But, I thank God for giving me the grace to choose to wait. It has been very difficult and I have judged for myself that I have not been doing a good job at it as of late but I am still struggling and walking that road.

I think we get into those kind of relationships with the knowledge that you two are trying to see if you were built for marriage (feel free to blame Joshua Harris for this idea). In my moments of weakness, I watch wedding videos. Hahaha! And I say to myself, 'That's the kind of love I am waiting for!'. And in the deepest corner of my heart, a voice whispers that THAT is the kind of love I deserve. I think we all deserve that kind of love. The kind that makes you feel that you will always have a place to run home to when the rest of the world just feels like it's falling apart. The kind that brings out the best in you. I could go on and on but really, I just think we deserve to be loved the way Jesus loves us.

So, the waiting continues. I will do what I can and be the best person I can be while I am at it. I am truly hopeful that when he comes, I will be ready to meet him and that we will be ready for the journey to forever. =)

say it all now

21/365: The Hunger Games

The shot: The cover of the trilogy's first book.

The story: I've been reading many FB statuses about the Hunger Games. I did not pay much attention to it until a lot of people started comparing it to Twilight and Harry Potter. I'm not a Twilight fan. Never was and I guess, never will be. I hope they don't get me wrong though. It's not the book really... it's just me. Haha! What got my attention was when people started comparing it to HARRY POTTER! My reaction was 'AS IN?! Harry Potter level?'. Yes, you guessed it right. I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan!

So, to cut the long story short. I downloaded the audio book for the first one. I was a skeptic at first. I was sure I would not like it since I doubt any other fiction book could knock HP out of my favorite list (as if I have one, haha!) but to my surprise... I got hooked. When I say I got hooked, some might think it's the I-spend-my-every-free-time-reading-this-book kind of hooked but for those who know me and how 'obsessed' I can get, they know it's the I-spend-all-of-my-time-reading-this-book kind of hooked. Correction though, listening, not reading. I found myself listening to all three books such that I could judge my week as unproductive. You read it right, I finished all three books in less than a week and this was a school-year-end-week! Imagine this from a teacher's point of view. Haha! In my defense, I met all my deadlines. :p

I was itching to write a post about the book but I didn't really know what to say. Until now. Haha, so I'm letting the words flow as I type. The weird thing is, I cried after I read the book. The reason was not really the story itself but it's effect on me. No, I have not joined any reality contest where I'm tasked to kill all other contestants except the boy who claims he's madly in love with me. That's the thing, I guess. I can't put a finger on why it has affected me that much. I had to wrestle with my thoughts for a while and I think there is really no ONE reason. I was affected at how practical the main character is. If you've read the book, you'd know what I mean. She chose the one who she can't survive without. See that? Can't it not be the one who makes the world stop turning with a smile? Or the guy who makes living worth all the suffering? LOL! Okay, stop it Michelle! I've had practicality issues recently but that's for another post. My heart broke for Peeta because I know how it feels... Hehe, okay. The drama stops right here. :p

This post can go on and on and on but it won't. :) I just want to remember the time I read the Hunger Games that's why I wrote this. Maybe just to remind myself that though life can seemingly give you the 'best', you should never stop discovering the rest of the beauty that God has surrounded you with. Thus, the HP-HG metaphor. Hehe! Through this trilogy, I have reawakened my love for reading. It takes you to another world and another life. It shows you the choices you could have, should have or would have made. It reveals to you some parts of your heart and soul that has been 'damaged', 'worn-out' or just plain set aside by the safety of everyday routine and day-to-day heartbreaks and failures. When I figure out what sets this trilogy apart, I'm going to write another post. PROMISE. =)

For now, I just want to leave you with one of my favorite lines which is a boy-girl conversation. I will not spoil the ending for you just in case my post got you intrigued enough to read it for yourself. The boy is going to be... Voldemort. He who must not be named. Haha, so the dialogue goes like this:

Boy: You love me. Real or not real?

Girl: Real.

20/365: Mapet's Wedding

The shot: Me with the bride (Photo taken from my phone)

The story: We went to Bohol today to attend Mapet's wedding. Mapet is one of my closest college friends.

My schedule went something like this:

March 9, 2012

10:15 PM - Ship left the pier. Cebu-Tagbilaran trip began

11:00 PM - Slept despite the urge to watch City Hunter over the TV set near my bed

March 10, 2012

3:00 AM - Arrived at the Tagbilaran Port. I woke up to make chika. Haha, where should we be at three in the morning?!

4:00 AM- Went down the ship to see Mapet who was there with her husband-to-be fetching a LOT of people (including us)

4:30 AM- Took a bath (against my will, LOL) because the bride insisted we have to start getting ready (thank goodness, she did)

5:30 AM- Went to Jollibee to get breakfast. They open at 6 AM but they allowed us to get inside and wait for the time

6:30 AM - Finished breakfast and went back to the hotel to prepare

8:30 AM- Finished with the hair-and-make-up thing + gown repairs (It's a hassle to be a girl sometimes but I have to admit I enjoyed it. Haha!)

9:15 AM- Wedding started, Mapet walked down the aisle to 'Ikaw'. She cried. I cried. We cried. Haha, we are a bunch of drama queens after all.

12:00 NN - Reception began

2:00 PM- Reception ended and we were back at the hotel to fix our things and be ready to leave

2:30 PM- Went around Island City Mall with my friends and I ended drinking a mocha frappe(!?!) from a store named V.I.P. It should be noted that I will not buy that drink again. Hehe.

4:30 PM- I was happily seated in Oceanjet and was on my way back to Cebu

6:45 PM- In SM to buy some things I needed

7:30 PM- In J Centre to buy the blank CDs that my mother needed

8:00 PM- Home sweet home

It was quiet a stressful experience. Even if I was not the bride, I could feel the anxiety, pressure, excitement and ka-warlahan building up as the hour draw near. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful wedding. As I told a good friend of mine, Charlie, I needed that wedding. So to end, I think I will leave you with my FB status (because I am lazy that way, haha!):

My friends' weddings always make me cry. I've witnessed how a lot of people have broken their hearts and yet they still have not stopped believing that what they seek is not just in fairy tales or chick flicks. Yes, marriages are not perfect and weddings do not always conform with the world's concept of 'ideal'. However, it is in these imperfections that we truly see the beauty of life, the miracle of mercy, the strength of His grace and the power of love. Thank you Myrva for reminding me about all of these. I wish you and Roel... happiness.

P.S. During the reception when you asked me to speak and the emcee introduced me as your 'best friend', my heart skipped a beat and hapit ko nihilak balik. Haha! I will forever treasure our friendship. I love you. =)

18/365: the revival

The title almost says it all. I'm reviving this challenge so I get to finish what I start. (winks)

The shot: Found this tarpaulin outside one of Ayala's cinemas yesterday. I think it's linked to a church or a religious organization.

The story: The school year is about to end (Hi, March!) and I've been senti lately about my students leaving school this year. To say that SY 2011-2012 has been a challenge is an understatement. I won't go around telling you now what the highlights of my year have been because that is for a different post but I think the lines in this tarpaulin reminds me of the what-could-haves-that-have-not-been. Believe me, I did one of the craziest things I've ever done in my life this school year. Haha, ironically, it's not school-related. Why the heck did I start this post with the 'school year ending' theme? LOL. Sorry, part of being a teacher I guess. I measure my years in academic years. HAHA! Going back, I really thought that doing what I did would change things for the better but it seems that I found myself in more uncertainty than before I did it. (All this secrecy is making my post really confusing. But, I'm not ready to put into words what I just did. Well, not yet anyway. :p)

I just want to post this small reminder for me that it's time to really let it go (for the NTH time!) and look at all the possibilities this year has in store. But wait, there's more! The last two lines states "Be equipped and finish strong". So let's do this, Michelle! Time to equip ourself (?!?) so we can finally have that dream-come-true. Am I ready, Lord? For this?! Well, when it comes.. then that must be the answer to my prayer. =)

one and only

You've been on my mind

I grow fonder every day,

Lose myself in time

Just thinking of your face

God only knows

Why it's taken me so long

To let my doubts go

You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,

You never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind

You hang on every word I say

Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name

Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?

And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,

You'll never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

Come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts.

a night to remember

This week has been a week of answered prayers.

A few days back, I was complaining to God about how I always end up organizing get-togethers when deep inside, I've always wanted people to organize bonding activities and then invite me. Not long after that complaint, a friend invited me to dinner and tonight, I went to watch a play with another friend.
We watched Les Miserables tonight. There were some problems with the sound system but these glitches were easily forgiven since I really enjoyed the play. I cried in some parts especially the finale song with Jean Valjean and Fantine.

However, my night just did not end there.

Some of the cast members went to fetch this woman from the audience and asked her to sit on a bench on the stage after the curtain call. She looked puzzled and amused as she sat there. While I am sure that she was not a stranger to the cast members, I did not really understood what she was doing there. A few moments later, her boyfriend went up the stage, showed the ring he was carrying, knelt on one knee and popped the big question.

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I started crying like crazy. Feeling naku na ako ang giproposan. LOL. What made me cry more was that the girl on stage was crying, too. It was truly an epic night. It reinforced my belief that true-to-life love stories still outweigh every fairy tale that was ever written.

February's knocking on my door and I am tempted to be bitter again. Haha. But maybe, I am passing on bitterness this year. Here's to gratitude, instead! Truly, truly grateful that God has given me the grace to wait. I am going to sit on this bench of singleness looking amazed and puzzled until the Director finally gives the cue and makes The One finally show up on stage. Padungog-dungog epeks to Father God. Toinks. :p

And with that, I thank my EPIC God for this EPIC experience. May God be praised! =)

Christmas 2011

Last night, while waiting for the clock to strike twelve, I decided to pray and thank God for all the blessings that He has given me. Looking back and looking at what is, I am overwhelmed by how much the Lord has blessed me. I know I share this over and over again but what can I say, I tend to forget how blessed I am (true story. :p)

As one of my best friends have said, people are the best blessings we have. I am thankful for the gift of people in my life... the ones that break my heart and the ones that put them together again. Many times, they are the same people but it is only when I have come past through the hurtful experiences that I realize that God really has a reason for allowing these things to happen. Whenever I encounter something painful or something that brings me too much joy (which I, most of the time feel, won't last forever), I utter this short prayer:

Lord, you have allowed this to happen. It has gone through your filter and so I am allowing myself to experience this in its fullness knowing that your plan is greater than mine and that your plan is born out of love for me.

Although the words are not exactly the same every time, I speak this message to myself and I feel a sense of peace. It is a kind of peace that enables me to live with courage... to live seizing the day for all that it is. So, this Christmas, I wish every person could place himself/herself in front of the manger and marvel at the Love that has been manifested in a form of a baby. In that moment, may we all find peace... the kind that pushes us onward with faith and hope.

I do not know where I am headed. I have a plan (as I always do) but these past few years, I have given up complete control over the "route" to use in order to get to the destination. I just pray that as I go through these ups and downs and these moments of standstill, I may grow to become more and more like Jesus. May every twist and turn lead me to You, Lord. Bisan asa agi, bisan unsa kadugay basta kuyog Nimo, para Nimo, padung Nimo ug ikalipay Nimo, adto lang ko. Grant me the grace to accomplish this. =)

Merry Christmas, everyone! =)