Blast from the Past

I was cleaning up my laptop files when I saw a document entitled 'Prayers' which I don't remember writing. I read it and realized how God has answered this prayer even if I already forgot that I once uttered it. I wrote this on November 15, 2009 on one of those days when I felt I had enough. For the record though, I loved my previous employer and I took nothing but good memories and wonderful lessons learned from the year that I spent there. This just reminded me that God listens. He does. All the time. =)

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I have so much to be thankful for. I have love in my life. The love that others seek in a family, I have in much abundance. I have wonderful friends. I have lifelong friends. I know that I am not alone. I can run to people when I am in need. That alone shows that there is indeed to be thankful for.
But right now, I feel very tired. Very tired. I feel my heart can no longer forgive. My hands can no longer care. My being can no longer teach.
I want to quit. I don’t want this life. I want to be free to be with those whom I love. I want to have time to be of service to God and my community. Teaching is passion. Teaching is love. Teaching is growth. Teaching is what I have always wanted to do in life. But right now, teaching is far from that which I imagined it to be. My body is stressed. My heart is pressured. My mind is far beyond its perceived limits. I am grateful. I am. But I want to rest. I want to be able to spend my time for the things that would truly matter.
Lord, grant me the grace to love that which is so difficult to love. May you grant me the love required to move mountains. Grant me strength even just for another day. Grant me Oh Lord, the heart of service by which you are glorified in. I am forever unworthy. But, you love me Lord.  You love me like no other. It is in that love that I cling to. It is in that love that I continue to hope in. That tomorrow just might be better than yesterday.
If You will, You can Lord. May I see your glory. May it shine so brightly in my life. May it be reflected greatly in Your works through me. This, I ask and I pray through Jesus, Your Son and with the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Amen.

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#AMDG

Community

I just got home from the CFC-SFC Talk Four and saw my facebook home page filled with links to the ongoing CFC-YFC International Leaders Conference happening now in Aklan. I miss going to ILCs and worshiping with the entire group. But I know in my heart that I will always be part of YFC and YFC will always be a part of me. =) I watched the recorded opening worship for the night and felt I just had to share it. The song "Have Your Way" struck me the most. More on that in another post. =)

Thank you Lord for your unfailing love despite my unfaithfulness. You are LOVE, Almighty! <3

23/365: Twenty-three!

The shot: Science High AL Building Corridor!

The story: I just turned twenty-three! Wow, I was planning to write this realllyyy long post today but I feel like I don't have enough strength do it. I posted this shot to say that I was able to visit SciHi a while ago and it felt soooo good! Wish I had my friends with me, though. Nothing is perfect but God's design is always for the best.

I'm keeping this short by saying that the year that I was twenty-two was a year of pruning. I truly feel that I am being made into a better person through the trials that have come my way. =)

I am so grateful to God for taking me this far in my journey. Thank you Lord for the year that was and the year that is to come. May you never cease in blessing my decisions so that they may be in line with Your plans for me.

Your pasaway daughter who You love without bounds,

Mishy <3

22/365: Bucket List (25 on 25)

The shot: The title. Haha!

The story: I noticed that the previous post was my 21st post and tomorrow is going to be my 23th birthday. SO, I decided to write another one on the same day to make up for lost time and to make my 23rd post 'significant'. HAHA! Okay, I've been inspired by a LOT of people to make a bucket list. My bestfriend, Maymay and one of my favorite bloggers, Anna Oposa are two of these people who have bucket lists of their own in their blogs.

In a way, I've been making bucket lists all my life but I change my mind (and heart) so many times that I never got to make a 100-item bucket list. Taking a leaf from Anna Oposa's blog, I'm going to settle with a 25-item bucket list muna. I'm sharing this to add pressure to myself. Haha, not really. I don't think I can get more pressured than I already am (*winks). Hahahaha! I'm sharing this so the universe may conspire to make all these things come true! Weee!!! Just thinking about these things make me excited! So, here it goes..

25 Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 25:

1. Finish my thesis and get a master's degree
2. Get a scholarship abroad for a second master's degree (hopefully on an area more relevant to my job right now) or a PhD (?)
3. Go to UP Diliman
4. Go to the AYLC Reunion (15th year)
5. Establishing a partnership with RAFI to have KAC for the college student leaders
6. Win in a Sunlife Contest Month
7. Eat in a Korean Restaurant
8. Bring my family to a trip outside the country
9. Learn a new language (Korean? Mandarin? French? Spanish?)
10. Write a book (on the Teaching of Mathematics or a novel)
11. Get one of my researches published in an international journal
12. Institutionalize the honoring of board exam passers with or without topnotchers
13. Learn to cook at least one fish, pork, chicken, beef and vegetable (!?!) dish
14. Watch another play
15. Volunteer in the Bayani Challenge 2012
16. Join a SFC-CLP
17. Buy a lighter laptop
18. Initiate a Career Path Seminar for the graduating students
19. Get a new hairstyle
20. Watch the sun set and rise in Mountainview
21. Go on a (romantic) date
22. Visit my high school
23. Finish all my blog challenges
24. Go on another trip outside Cebu (to a Philippine destination I've never to so far)
25. Enroll in a creative writing class

I'm not even going to explain WHY I want to accomplish each one. I'm thinking maybe I can write a post for every single item there that I get to achieve. Hehe. What I know is that it never hurts to have a plan. Most importantly, it is always good to recognize that each of us has the right to dream. Dream BIG dreams. We have, after all, a BIG GOD! =)

Ash Wednesday

Christmas 2011

Last night, while waiting for the clock to strike twelve, I decided to pray and thank God for all the blessings that He has given me. Looking back and looking at what is, I am overwhelmed by how much the Lord has blessed me. I know I share this over and over again but what can I say, I tend to forget how blessed I am (true story. :p)

As one of my best friends have said, people are the best blessings we have. I am thankful for the gift of people in my life... the ones that break my heart and the ones that put them together again. Many times, they are the same people but it is only when I have come past through the hurtful experiences that I realize that God really has a reason for allowing these things to happen. Whenever I encounter something painful or something that brings me too much joy (which I, most of the time feel, won't last forever), I utter this short prayer:

Lord, you have allowed this to happen. It has gone through your filter and so I am allowing myself to experience this in its fullness knowing that your plan is greater than mine and that your plan is born out of love for me.

Although the words are not exactly the same every time, I speak this message to myself and I feel a sense of peace. It is a kind of peace that enables me to live with courage... to live seizing the day for all that it is. So, this Christmas, I wish every person could place himself/herself in front of the manger and marvel at the Love that has been manifested in a form of a baby. In that moment, may we all find peace... the kind that pushes us onward with faith and hope.

I do not know where I am headed. I have a plan (as I always do) but these past few years, I have given up complete control over the "route" to use in order to get to the destination. I just pray that as I go through these ups and downs and these moments of standstill, I may grow to become more and more like Jesus. May every twist and turn lead me to You, Lord. Bisan asa agi, bisan unsa kadugay basta kuyog Nimo, para Nimo, padung Nimo ug ikalipay Nimo, adto lang ko. Grant me the grace to accomplish this. =)

Merry Christmas, everyone! =)

13/365: birthday post =)

I turn 22 today. =) But there is so much more than that.

The shot:

Me and my brother during the 2010 fluvial parade.

The story:

Today started out to be a bittersweet day for me. Sweet because I have been blessed with another year added to my life and bitter because my brother is not graduating this year. Something like that is a big thing for me. My brother's success in anything that he gives his effort in means a lot to me.

For the rest of the day, I kept on praying that the Lord walk with me through the day and celebrate it with me. I prayed that He grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I spent the first few minutes of my day in prayer and in thanking those who took the time to greet me. At 9:30 AM, I was in school for the dissemination of my students' grades. After lunch, I went to hear mass. Amazingly, the celebrant is also celebrating his birthday and as the mass ended, everyone in the assembly sang 'happy birthday' which I felt was God's way of singing for me. Sweeeet! <3

My brother texted me that he is attending his classmates' graduation and so I decided to spend the rest of my time reading Leo Buscaglia's book, Loving Each Other. I was in the chapter about forgiveness when my brother joined me for the rest of the afternoon. My conversation with him was no less than inspiring. It wasn't because of his choice of words and nor was it because of his manner of speaking. What made it inspiring is the man that he has chosen to become as reflected in his thoughts. There was no tinge of bitterness or sarcasm in his voice when he spoke about the graduation. There was pride and great love for friends who stood by him and who he stood for for the past four years. He was happy for his friends and in many ways, I felt he has grown a lot wiser.

It has been said many times before and I think it holds true today. There is a purpose for everything. In the remaining hours of my 'birthday', I choose to write about my brother. He is more than the man other people think he is. He is more than what others give him credit for. I am truly proud of him. Thank you for your example, dong.

The 'ate' turns 22 today and has learned that in a heart of love, no room should be rented out to bitterness. That would be such a waste of space.

A happy day indeed. =)

2/365: The Basilica

2011 is a year of many 'firsts'. As early as January, I can list about ten things that have happened to me for the first time. So... after finishing two midterm examinations, preparing my table for the final term and fighting the urge to go get a cup of coffee from that-place-i-love-but-can't-really-afford (hahaha), I decided to drop by the Basilica today. I've never visited it the day after Sinulog so this one's another first. =)

BTW, I am so in love with how the weather has been today. No rain and the breeze is ssssoooo cool. It made me want to go back to bed so many times but the pressure of deadlines kept me on my feet! Haha! Okay, back to the Basilica.

The Shot:

The Pilgrim Center Altar. I know the picture's a little blurry but being able to post it here is a miracle in itself. My phone kept complaining of 'low battery' and my camera won't work. I was contemplating on asking the woman in front of me with the qwerty camera phone to take a picture and then send it to me via bluetooth. I just wanted one picture. ONE.

Then again, I was in front of the Holy Child! So I whispered a request to Him too. Just one picture.. pleasssseee. And tada! Here it is.

The Story:

Since the start of the fiesta celebration, I have never gotten this close to the altar. I prayed for a while.. mostly for thanksgiving for the many blessings I have received and for that unexpected blessing He gave me last Saturday (yey!). I was all smiles. Reading through my entries in this blog last night made me realize that many if not most of them are depressing. If I were another person reading my own blog entries, I think I'm this pessimistic girl with a very sad life. Well, it's about time I set things straight. Haha, I am a very happy person. I am. Really. Haha, I just over-think, over-rationalize and over-react and over-act many times that I get carried away. This picture has reminded me today that we should all take time to sit at His feet. Sit at the foot of His cross and spend time with Him. It is far more 'recharging' than an entire day's sleep. Well, at least for me. You should try it.

And... another reason why I took this picture is so I can dedicate this day's entry to my number one reader, my bestfriend Maymay! Bestfriend, though you were not here to celebrate with us, I hope this picture reminds you that you are NEVER too far away.

You are in my thoughts and in my prayers. =)

Oh, by the way. I asked for one picture but guess what? I got three =) The other one has a whitish effect so it's not post-worthy but maybe I can post the other one. Haha! And this reminds me of my other bestfriend, Ryka, who always reminds me never to ask for small things from our great God. Viva Pit Señor!

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.

-St. Thomas Aquinas

1/365: The Planner

Wow, how creative of me. Bwahaha! :p

The shot:

For day 1, it's the picture of my newly-acquired planner (points to picture)! The pics are coming from my LG phone by the way and I am not one of those people who are into photography so please be tolerant of the pictures' quality for now (excellence, excellence!). Plus, you'll know I took them if they are placed on the upper right of the entry. If not, the pics are not mine.

The story:

Before I start my day, I open my planner and pray for my intentions, dreams and to-do-list. Other than reminding me that I still have the ability to achieve my goals, short-term and/or long-term, my planner inspires me to look forward to life each day. Some people think that writing to-do-lists is overrated but for me, it's not. I think it just means that the day ahead is full of promises and even if I have much on my listS, there is always space left for surprises. I think there is nothing wrong with planning, setting goals and dreaming as long as you don't lose sight of The Goal. I hope I get my days fully-booked! Papers to check, lessons to plan, and records to submit are sure to take up some space but I hope what takes most of the space would be my dates with the people I love and my dates with the Lord. =)

According to one of my mentors, Bro. Bo Sanchez, if you don't plan your life... somebody else will. If you don't define your dreams, you might just end up chasing other people's dreams for you which may not be the dreams He has planted in your heart so go ahead.. plan! dream! work on those plans and dreams!

But, if you must fail like I do, then learn, get up and plan, dream and work again!

After all, the year has just begun.