Moments

They say life is measured by moments that take our breath away. If that were true, I can honestly say that today... I have lived. I want to remember this day by being grateful and so...

I am thankful that I have a job that I would still have taken even if I didn't get paid.

I am thankful that I look forward to teaching each day with a sense of excitement and a bit of anxiety even if I have taught the lesson for many times already.

I am thankful for the gift of students who don't just readily accept my ideas, challenge my opinions and voice out their own thoughts because they empower me to do better and be better each and every time.

I am thankful for those first-day moments when I walk inside the classroom to meet a new set of students and hear hushed remarks of "Yes!". In that second, the word "tired" loses all its meaning.

I am thankful for good friends who want nothing but the best for me even when they express it in ways I do not fully comprehend.

I am thankful for the chance to see my students succeed.

I am thankful for the gift of courage that enables me to do more than I ever thought I could in a lifetime.

I am thankful for love.. for all its wonders which make life truly worth living.

Of exams and Sunday reflections

I have been on a facebook and hiatus lately to prepare for my comprehensive exams. The hiatus was a success but the 'preparing for the compre exams' part is an epic fail so far. I don't know why but preparing for exams just is not my thing. Contrary to popular belief, I do not enjoy studying. Really. When I say studying, I mean it as opening your books/notes and reading them as you prepare for an exam. I loooovveee school and I love learning new things and applying them/teaching them to others but I can't get myself to enjoy studying. In reflection though, this would backfire to me in the sense that I always hope that my students study for the exams I give them. Haha, the life of a teacher.

But, something interesting happened last week. I was preparing for a lesson on stress and time management and in one of my sources, it was shared that many people 'procrastinate' because they fear failure. It is easier to admit failure because you haven't tried than to admit failure in the midst of trying. PAK. That rock hit me on the head hard.

I have been telling people that I am not ready for the exams (refer to the first part of this entry. hehe) because of work and other work-related stuff but really, I think I am just hiding behind this excuse so that if I fail, I would not need to be so hard on myself since I tried but work is just getting on the way and all... BUT! I don't want to be this kind of Mishy anymore. If I fail, I want to go down knowing I've done nothing less than my absolute best. Sige na, help me pray for inspiration! I've got two weeks more to prepare! Waaahhhh.. desperation knocking on my door. So that's it. I'm writing this entry to encourage myself to do better. A month from now, I'll tell you if I passed/failed in my exams... and please know that whatever the outcome will be, I did give my best.

AMDG.

P.S. God bless those who are taking the LET today!

Day 11: Day of Virtue: Appreciatio

WOW! I soooo love the task! I am asked to write a letter to someone I am grateful for. I love writing letters so let me get to it. Hahahaha!

Note to self: You are writing very short entries! Why? =)

Day 10: 30 Minutes of Action

Today's task is focused on scheduling something that you've been putting off for a while now. To be honest, I have not really scheduled anything yet (given that more than one task has asked me to schedule an action plan). HAHA! But I guess there is no putting it off now.

I'll keep this short since it's more of the actual DOING that counts than just saying I'd do it. So I am scheduling just two things.

1. Prayer Time - Yes, I've stopped being consistent with my prayer time. Coming back to the heart of worship. Hmm, let me keep my schedule to myself. HAHA

2. Review- Friday 9:00-10:00am

There. Now, to train myself to actually DO it. =)

Day 9: Explore Procrastination

Yes, I am behind just five days more! Wee...

Well, before I begin my "report" for this day's task, I just want to give an update on my day4 challenge! I have spoken to my bestfriends already. I texted my brother and was able to help my cousin too! I am looking forward to finish all my tasks before the end of August. =)

I am doing two tasks per day now just to catch up. I don't want to push it to three since I just might end up doing them for the sake of doing them. So, here is my output for today.

What have I been putting on hold for the past weeks/months?

PREPARING FOR MY MASTERS' COMPREHENSIVE EXAMS AND THESIS

(Well, it this was a task given before Sunday, I would have answered something else. AHAHA)

Why am I procrastinating on this?

• I hate to admit it but I must. I am afraid that I would fail in the exam and not be able to finish my thesis in one semester's time. (My fear of failure still kicking in quite hard.)
• Deeper still, I have been hating the fact that even after graduation, I still had to work harder to prove myself. (This is not one realization that is easy to share. Yes, world... I can be really arrogant when I allow myself to be.)
• I am entertaining a possibility that fate would step in and force me to make a career decision that I do not wish to make. I just don't want to make it my free will's choice. (Pride, I guess.)

Well, as far as I could think, it boils down to pride. Voices at the back of my head are arguing with each other. One side is telling me I need not study or exert that much effort. If I fail, then I'd get sufficient reason to leave. If I pass, then it is destiny that has decided that I stay. The other part, the saner part I should say, is telling me to move along and not be lazy about it. If I fail, I would reassure myself that I did my best. If I succeed, then... I succeed. But I am truly feeling a bit lazy about it...and so tired trying to accomplish these together with other concerns that sound more pressing.

Nevertheless, time is against me. I can no longer postpone it as much as I already have. October is fast approaching and everything about Calculus is starting to sound all Greek to me. I have to start now.. Maybe this week, while Intrams is going on, I can make that trip to the library that I have promised myself I'd make.

Pray with me, please. =)

Day 8: Call a Friend

Today's task has been the most enjoyable task I've ever done so far. We need to call a friend whom we have not spoken to for a long time and reconnect--- so to speak.

I was chatting with a few friends over facebook at that time and I wondered to myself as to who to call. I just called my bestfriends yesterday (part of my day 4 task!) so they were out of the list. I have not been in touch with most of my friends since they are all 'busy' people and because.. well, I have not exerted as much effort as I used to in spending time with them. Maybe it's because of the constant rejection to invitations that have made me stop initiating get-togethers or it could be because I had problems with my own schedule too. Whatever my reasons were, I am now given the chance to talk to one friend... and I chose Rhea.

Rhea and I have known each other since first year college. We were not very close in my early years in the tertiary level but our friendship started to grow in the later years when we were given the chance to work together in certain organizations. I have grown to admire her leadership and management style too. Well, we grow closer after graduation when we started doing things together outside school. We did the Bisita Iglesia together with other friends and we had dinners together too. Twice, we spent hours just talking to each other, eating and going to confession.

It's been a long time since I spoke to her so I called her up. And true to the task, our conversation did flow so naturally as if we just continued a recent conversation. We spoke about a lot of things but mostly we just settled with our favorite topic... our "love lives" (that is, if I have one to speak of. HAHA!). Then we watched youtube videos together, though apart (Thank God for internet) and then laughed at a few scenes from Maalaala Mo Kaya. The conversation went on and on and on... After that, I felt energized. I truly believe that one of the most priceless gifts life has to offer is an honest conversation with a friend.

Well, maybe I ought to reconnect some more. Who to call next? =)

Day 6-7: Get Your 30BBM in Order

Wow! This is one pleasant surprise! Looks like I am not as delayed as I thought I was! We are given time to catch up with the missing challenges. Well, a time for a short pause and reflection.

I have been listening to Harry Potter audio books lately. I'm on Book 5 Chapter 35 already. It's blaring right now out of my laptop while I am typing this entry. I've been trying to distract myself from things that were distracting me these past few days. Am I making sense? Well, I don't think so. So that's the best description of me right now... distracted.

I have tons of papers to check, grades to compute, students and classes to manage for school work. Personal concerns are not helping me get these things in row. The desire of trying to become a better person has been lessened quite a bit. Just lost a lot of motivation to pursue it. But maybe this is the purpose of this task. I just need to breathe a while. I want nothing but a day of rest too.

Yesterday, while I reached an almost-breaking-point, I attended a mass at Sto. Rosario and the first reading struck me. It was a letter from Paul to the Philippians. I remember that line about forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to the path laid out by the Lord towards Him. I think it was got me through that day. The knowledge that there is tomorrow to look forward to. Maybe tomorrow is going to be better. Maybe tomorrow, all of these things will make sense. Well, I KNOW these things but there are just days when knowing just isn't enough. I needed to BELIEVE again. Believe in the greatness within me. Believe in the plans He has for me. Believe in myself. Believe in those around me. Believe in love. Believe in His love.

I hope that I will be able to finish all my ten "tasks" for kindness and catch up with the other tasks too. More than that, however, I wish I could get my life in order too.