Moments

They say life is measured by moments that take our breath away. If that were true, I can honestly say that today... I have lived. I want to remember this day by being grateful and so...

I am thankful that I have a job that I would still have taken even if I didn't get paid.

I am thankful that I look forward to teaching each day with a sense of excitement and a bit of anxiety even if I have taught the lesson for many times already.

I am thankful for the gift of students who don't just readily accept my ideas, challenge my opinions and voice out their own thoughts because they empower me to do better and be better each and every time.

I am thankful for those first-day moments when I walk inside the classroom to meet a new set of students and hear hushed remarks of "Yes!". In that second, the word "tired" loses all its meaning.

I am thankful for good friends who want nothing but the best for me even when they express it in ways I do not fully comprehend.

I am thankful for the chance to see my students succeed.

I am thankful for the gift of courage that enables me to do more than I ever thought I could in a lifetime.

I am thankful for love.. for all its wonders which make life truly worth living.

Day 5: Character Board

Before anything else, just a short update from my task on Day 4 first. Haha, out of 12, I was only able to do 2! Ironed the newly-washed clothes for my mother and cleaned our house. Sad, right? Sadder is the fact that I am still on Day 5 out of 11 tasks! Sheessshh. Well, I am back now.

The task for Day 5 is kind of exciting! It involves pictures. Weee... (Sorry, just feeling like I want to be child-like today)!

First, I have to identify the five core ideal traits that my ideal self possesses. Hmm.. that would be as follows (in no particular order):

• LOVE unconditionally
• PASSIONATE in pursuing the path to EXCELLENCE
• GRATEFUL in every circumstance
• HAPPY. Just HAPPY.
• CONFIDENT of myself and His plans for me

Now, I'm just going to look for images that would stand for these things... and TADA! I can't figure out how to transfer the picture below this text so please refer to the one on top of this post. =) All pictures were taken from various sites through Google.

Well, it's not everything that I hope it would be but it's very close. Right? Well, it makes me hopeful whenever I see it. Someday... =)

Day 3: Discover Your Ideal Self

Late for Day 3! That's okay. I am doing this today. =)

The task is to describe your 'ideal' self. When will I consider myself as someone with a 10/10 personality? Hmmm...

My ideal self will already know how to love without asking for anything in return. She is kind and caring to all those around here regardless of how they treat her. She will love herself and take care of her needs knowing that she can never give what she does not possess. She forgives herself when she falls short and will try to learn her lessons faster so she doesn't keep on repeating the same mistakes. She is patient and understanding. She will not hold grudges on all those who have hurt her, intentionally or not... knowing that each person has his/her own battles to fight. She will look at her life always half-glass full rather than half-glass empty. She is grateful and she will cherish her blessings everyday, being mindful that she is blessed so that she too can be a blessing.

She will have managed her life properly in the sense that she is a good steward of the Father. Knowing that all she has is not hers but are lent to her so she may bear more fruit, she will work hard to be the best that she can be so she may fulfill the purpose laid long ago deep in her heart. She will listen to her heart more... with more courage this time. She will walk through rain and dance. She will be more wise in choosing her battles. She will take care of her relationships more.

She is beautiful inside and out. She will smile more and choose to be happy no matter what the circumstance knowing that each second she is given is a gift. She will always remember that she is not alone even when it feels like she is. She will be passionate about life, always in pursuit of her dreams and aspirations. She is persistent and confident. She will not be afraid of what other people might say about her as long as she knows she is doing things right. She'd speak out more for what she believes in and stand up for it when opposition arises.

She will prioritize family and all those whom she loves. She will live each day to the fullest. She will love as if she'd never bee hurt. She may cry like there's no tomorrow but after that, she'll get up and keep moving forward full of hope.

=)

Day 1: Assess Yourself

This entry is going to be the first of it's kind. =) My bestfriend, Maymay, and I have decided to join this online challenge about becoming better "us" in thirty days. Other than to "trying to be better versions of ourselves", I joined in because this is something I'd get to do with my bestfriend even if she's miles away from me. <3

First challenge is to answer these questions:

1. If you were to rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 (in terms of your personality), how much would you rate yourself?
2. Why did you give yourself the score in Q1?
   • State down specific reasons why – At least 3-5 points to explain your score.
   • Elaborate as much as you can. The more you write, the better.
3. Now, write down 5-7 traits about yourself you want to work on.
• These can be traits you don’t like about yourself, or traits you are okay with but you want to eradicate because they serve no value to you.

I am sharing my answers to the world! So to speak. Haha! Just because I can and I want to. No, really.. for some time now, I have been reading personal blogs more. Some of the writers I know in person but there are those who don't know me and some still who I have never met. Nevertheless, reading their entries have touched me in many ways. They don't write like Bo Sanchez or Paulo Coelho (two of my favorite bloggers). They just tell their stories. Their day-to-day stories sound so ordinary... and yet sometimes they just hit the right spot that leave me empowered in so many ways. Inspired by this, I decided to just write about my everyday stories too. Maybe somewhere out there, I get to inspire someone else.

So.. here are my answers.

1. I rated myself an "8". Reading through the sharings in the blog, a lot of people have rated themselves so low that I was wondering to myself if I rated myself right. But then again, if I changed my rating just so I can fit in the "trend", I would have defeated the purpose of the entire challenge. So, I am sticking to my answer.

2. I gave myself an "8" because I have always felt that I'm "almost there" but just not "there" yet. Eight may sound so high of a rating but for me, it's not really more of how high or low the score is... I just feel that I have been stuck in the same position for so long a time. In many angles, staying where you are is much worse that having no movement at all. That is how I have been feeling. It's not a very good feeling at all. I like myself but there are some things that I really "hate" about being me. I feel like I am pulled by two extremes that give the exact same pull that I end up not moving at all.

3. Traits that I would like to work on:

• Indulging in self-pity/ Being a harsh self-critic
• Lack of discipline
• Fear of getting too close to people
• Being unforgiving of self and others
• Being too serious and sensitive
• Over-thinking even in the simplest of matters
• Low self-esteem

These are the first things that came to my mind. I hope I don't regret writing this entry in the morning. =)

Day 1 is done!

17/365: first CNU faculty tour

I'm keeping this one brief since I promised myself I will be sleeping early tonight (I can't remember when I slept earlier than 12am since the SY began). I ust wanted to be reminded of today. =)

The shot: Tarsier and me.

The story: This is my fourth time in Bohol. Twice was for a YFC activity and once when I was a reviewer for LET in Powerhouse. Places really just stay the same (more or less) for me but what makes them 'significantly different' are the memories you make in them. Instead of remembering the places I've been to and the things I've done, I decided to make new memories instead. I've been living in the past lately... maybe because I work in my alma mater. Wherever I go, the walls shout of things that have been and I hear whispers of could-have-beens every now and then. This 'exercise' in Bohol was really difficult for me since I was very distracted with a lot of other things as I went along the tour (but that would be for another entry, a longer one. haha) but I would like to think that I was successful because I arrived in Cebu with a greater resolve to keep moving forward.

Well, in essence, I guess what I was really trying to drive at in the beginning of the entry is the fact that this was my first faculty tour in CNU. And I have a thing for celebrating firsts. The first of many, me hopes. Haha! Well, wherever my road takes me, I am surely glad that I made this stop. To be able to share this experience with my college professors is 'memory' enough for me. Iba talaga si Lord. =)

16/365: CYLS 2011

The shot: Group picture of CYLS 2011.

The story: The Ayala Young Leaders Alliance- Cebu Chapter (AYLA-Bai) organized it's second Cebu Young Leaders Summit which was successfully held at CREMDEC last May. I meant to write about it a long time ago but I just never gave in to the urge until now.

We worked for over seven months to finally put this together and when all has been said and done, nothing less is left than that of gratitude. Thank you to all the partners (SK, RAFI and AFI) for being with us all the way. I thank the sponsors, both minor and major, for their assistance that went a long, long way. And most importantly, I am grateful for the presence of the TEAM and of the participants that made the experience very meaningful for me.

As we went home after the event, Chelle and I had a very interesting conversation. She shared how some of the people she knew asked her why she has not "graduated" from organizing events like these. Chelle shared that being with the people in this organization and having events like these help keep her grounded.

I could not help but reflect from these lines she shared. There are times when I ask myself and wonder why I get involved into these kinds of things while many student-leaders-turned-young- professionals let this go and "move on" with their lives. But as soon as these thoughts come to me, I remember the days I spent in Cavite in AYLC. I remember the days and nights I spent working with my org-mates in the different events we spearheaded and worked in. Well, I don't remember all of them. I remember moments. Every time I remember these moments, I get to live them again. Living them again reminds me of why I got myself into these things in the first place.

I want to make a difference.

Yes, it sounds like the statement is lifted from a beauty contest question-and-answer portion but I can't find words more true than these. It was all I really wanted to do. As I started to work on this "difference", I began to see that I was not alone. The desire is shared by many and I began to gain courage. I dreamed bigger dreams for others simply because it was not an individual's dream anymore --- it was a shared dream and it made it more powerful than it ever was. I found myself not only comrades but friends. People who are in a mission too. And then I realized that "this" is not the kind of thing you "graduate" from or "move on" from. I don't judge those who give all their time to their careers or their families. Maybe, "that" is the difference they were meant to make. It is my hope that even if our paths our different, our destination is the same... a brighter and better world and future to leave behind for those who are next in line.

BTW, I'm sharing this too! :)

Our first meeting was around October of 2010 before Chelle was off to cover the local elections and Migs and I just came from school and other school-related tasks (I hope my memory serves me right, haha). It was in Jollibee Guadalupe and to prove that, I have the picture right here.

For the gift of great friends, thank you Father. AMDG! =)

14/365: Easter (and Bayani Challenge) Reflections

The shot: 'Barkada Pic" after the Gawad Kalinga Bayani Challenge 2011 at Bantayan Island.

The story: Last April 4-9, 2011, I joined in the GK Bayani Challenge with a group of friends. I wanted to write about the experience as soon as I got back but then I got swept away by "things-to-do" that I ended putting it off till now. Come to think of it, it falls on the perfect occasion... Easter.

It has been months since my bestfriend, Maymay, invited me to the event. I kept saying "maybe" and then "no" and then "maybe" to this invitation because of a million excuses. For those who know her, they can attest that she is someone very persuasive. Her persuasiveness heightened (I believe) because I had too many excuses and thus revealing that I just needed a little push to say "yes". To cut the long story short, I went.

At the beginning, I could not really figure out why I did not say "yes" right away. Maybe it was because I felt that I will not be able to do "much" there. I have this tendency not to go to events where people can't tell me what my role there would be. I just felt that I can be more useful somewhere else. Since I was not part of the organizing team, I ended up like the rest of the volunteers. I got an equal share of work and of rest. In the in-betweens, I found myself asking the question of why I was there. This is the answer I got.

I believe that the Lord brought me there to remind me that I am a human being and not a human doing.

I was not there because the people needed me to be there. I was there because I needed to be there. I needed to be there so I can be reminded that the Lord cares less about how much we have done. What He cares for more would be how much each of us has become. It is not a contest of who can carry a heavier cross. It is not even a question of how long we can sustain nailed upon it like the thieves on His side on Good Friday. It is all about the people we become despite all that we carry. It the decision to be a disciple even if what is happening makes no sense to us at all. God loves us. God loves me. He has given me to others and He has given others to me so we can grow together as His children.

Today, I remember the week I spent in Bantayan. I remember the gift of country, community, best friends, friends and family. I remember the gift of sacrifice, struggle and even death to one's self. I remember God and His son, Jesus. I remember that all the pain of Good Fridays lead us to the joy of Easter Sundays.

Walang Iwanan!

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

12/365: RAISE hangover

I just got home from the YFC Raise (Praise and Worship) Concert and I spent a few minutes trying to fit what I want to say in 420 words (allowable number of words for an FB status ) but to no avail. I guess this is what they call inspiration. Haha!

The shot:
Of course, the event promotional picture which is actually the gold ticket that I got from the event! :) Got this photo from a tumbler account. I could upload the picture of my ticket but my head is spinning and I need to get to bed ASAP. Haha (excuses, excuses). I just want to get these words out before they escape me. :)

The story:
I was thinking of not going to the event since the person that I was planning to go with was not allowed to leave their house. My reason? I had to check tons of papers. I know. The reason sounds lame but for people who know me, the reason is well, so.. er.. soooo me. Haha. I want to get my work done but I felt the urge to just go. It's been so long since I worshiped with my YFC community so I went. I was late but was still on time for the start of the program. =p

I enter and was shocked to know that I barely know most of the members of the service team (was I away THAT long?). Haha! Then, the first song comes in and I start thinking "uh-oh. I don't know this one.." and the second one begins and still the same, I am not familiar with any of them. (am I THAT old??)

Mishy: Lord, kanta tag song na kamao ko...
Lord: you know all these songs by heart... you just stopped singing.
Mishy: (laughs to self) (pauses) (smiles to self) (continues singing)

True enough, I know one or two of the entire two-hour song list but I managed to sing together with the others because the lyrics were in display and because the tune was not very complicated. But I think, this is because in a worship, it's never just about the music or the songs but it's about the Lord of the music and the songs... and when you sing to a person who just loves you unconditionally, you can never go wrong. =)

Later on, sharings started coming in and it felt like I never left. This was so YFC. I knew I made the right choice of coming because I needed a reminder... for many things but mostly for the fact that what I do is for the Lord and regardless if I am tired, weary, sick or happy, I just lift it up to Him because all of it is HIS. Have Your Way and All for You are my major, major songs for the night.

I am terribly stressed thinking of the papers to be checked, grades to be computed and many other tasks that had deadlines painted all over them. However, in reflection, I am stressed not because of what I have to do but because I have forgotten that I am not about what I do but what I am becoming because of what I do. I am, after all, not a human doing but a human being. Tonight reminded me that what I do does not define me. I do what I do because of who I am and I am God's servant, called by name and anointed. If the all-powerful God believes that I can do this, then who I am to let doubt and shame overcome my confidence that each step I take and each day I live is taking me closer to the woman that God dreams of me to become?

I looked around the venue and memories came rushing in. The concert was held in the same place where I realized that I had feelings for a friend. I laughed and told the Lord that He was teasing me again. I felt Him smile at me and at that same moment, we were singing the line, "my hear belongs to you...Jesus". And at that, He asked me: "Can I have it back, anak?" I couldn't fight back the tears. How could I have placed him before Him? I'm glad that God is a jealous God (because He wants me back. yey!!!) but that He is not an envy God for He waited for me to come back. God waits... for me. I complain that I have been waiting and waiting and waiting. But I have never heard God complain about how I keep Him waiting because of the most trivial things.

God waits. God is true love. True love waits.

Moreover, I want to learn how to love like God. As Kuya Sharry would put it, nothing less than God is love because God IS love. So with that, I handed it back to HIM. I can wait. Really, I can. :)

Needless to say, I brought home more than a 'golden ticket' and a stamped arm. I am tired but I feel like I am ready for anything this week is going to throw at me. Haha, what a night! Wohoo! See what I mean? How do you put all of these in 420 words? Oh com'on!

I have to sleep already. But before that, I want to say I LOVE JESUS and May GOD be praised forever! =)

11/365: hey there, bright side!

The story:

For the past few days, I have not been feeling well. Fever is just around the corner waiting for the next day that sleep proves to be scarce again. Not only that, a lot of mixed emotions about a lot of things have been bothering me. Today, I did not feel like going to school and I did not want to work on anything listed down on my "to-do" list but decided against the feelings anyway.

As I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep. But as soon as I entered the door, my mama told me it's my inaanak's birthday (and I forgot to buy a present) and we were invited to eat dinner at their house. My inaanak is the daughter of my closest friend in our neighborhood. Both of them have a very special place in my heart. Dinner at their house reminded me why I chose to wait for the right time and the right person instead of just hopping on with the trend of textmates and blind dates that parade society today. I'd rather be single than be an unfit wife and an irresponsible mother. I never understood what my friend saw in that guy who happened to be her child's father. She didn't deserve him. I wish she was with someone better...someone who would treat her better...someone who would strive to be better for her and for their child. I am in no position to make judgments because I have my own share of imperfections too. I just pray that he grows up soon enough to see that life has given him a family worth striving for. I felt sad for him for I felt that he didn't see the great blessings he has right in front of him.

At the same time, I felt a little sad for myself too. Like him, I have been acting ungrateful. I have been overlooking the wonderful blessings the Lord has graciously filled my life despite my shortcomings. True enough, God is never late for that needed reminder.

As soon as I got home, I received news that my cousin, Jae, just passed the December 2010 Nursing Licensure Exam! Wohoo! We've got an RN in the family and it felt so great! In reflection though, I think it'd be greater if it didn't take the board exam results for me to remember that God is good all the time.. and that His plans are ALWAYS better than that of our own. Thank you, Father. <3

P.S. And I hope it's not too late... Happy Valentine's Day, world! =)

P.S. 2: The shot:http://marinshe.deviantart.com/art/The-Bright-Side-of-Life-118961703

6/365: the only exception

The song with the same title happens to be my ring tone ever since.. uhm, ever since I downloaded it on my phone. Although that song reminds me of someone, I will never write about that someone here. Well, at least for now. =)

The shot:

Not that they are of the same level of significance to me, but this song is also perfect for my -- I mean, our pet dog. Ace. And yes, that's him over here ==>

The story:

I have a fear of dogs...a phobia I should say. It's so intense that even if the dog's just lying on the ground, I'd call someone to walk with me just to get past that scary creature that's getting in my way. A little more than a year ago, my brother persuaded my parents to adopt a puppy against my very own wishes. My brother wanted the dog so bad that I said yes as long as they kept it away from me. For the first few months, my life at home was filled with terror. That thing just kept running towards me when I arrived home from work, looking at me while I was eating and barking at me when I don't pay any attention to it.

Now, things have changed. Big time. You see, the bed in this picture happens to be mine. Haha! Even when he was just a few months old, I'd wake up screaming in the morning asking my brother why the dog was sleeping in my bed. This Ace-yot (as I fondly call him) has won my heart..after many months of getting into my bed in the middle of the night. :p I still wake up in the morning with him at the foot of my bed and FYI I am not afraid of touching him anymore! Yipee! And I enjoy hugging him, too! The only catch is that when I get home, somebody still has to hold him back. I don't think I can take his weight when he jumps at me so I let him calm down for a while before I let him come near me. He's so sweet and adorable to us. Let me repeat. To us. Haha, because this doggy bites. Two neighbors of ours got bitten already so b-e-w-a-r-e. Haha!

What's the point of my post? Well, maybe I just want to say that people do change... and though I am pretty much a rule-person, I make exceptions too. My excuse? Love. :)

4/365: rediscovery

It's been a year of 'firsts'. Today, I declare it to be a year of 'rediscovery' too! To see what has been always there as if it was the first time. What reason? Haha, no rationalization for this one. I just feel like it. :p

The shot:

It's my brother's drawing. He drew it out of boredom. I don't know a single character and I find it a little creepy. Haha! That's okay. I think we can be a little creepy at times.

The story:

I got home and saw my brother sitting on his bed... drawing. It's been a while since I last saw him draw. It's been so long that I can't remember when. My brother's been a little idle these past few days and I can't blame him. I'm just happy I saw him doing something I know he loves. Art is my brother's thing. I once thought he was going to pursue architecture or fine arts...but life had other plans.

I grabbed one of his sketches and took a shot. My brother told me not to post this drawing. He's saying it's one of his worst. Haha.. should I agree? Nah. Not tonight. This reminds me that when we're down to almost nothing, we look around and within and realize that we still have everything we need. When we are idle, doing what others presume to be nothing... we can actually take this time to rediscover who we are, what we love and what life is all about. It's been quite a trying time for my family lately and it's not the kind of thing I feel comfortable blogging about. But we're still here. Still together. Still happy. Still very much alive. Though this entry sounds like rediscovering art, I think that these past few months, God has blessed us with the opportunity to rediscover family. Thank you, Lord. =)

3/365: the workplace

Wow, I'm actually on my 3rd day. I wonder how long I can keep this up. Haha. It rained cats and dogs this morning and I was eight minutes late for work! I hate being late. I really do. I promised I'd work on my punctuality issues this year and I hope I can do better next time... and I don't mean being seven or six minutes late. Haha.

Okay, I've been laughing since this morning. I've been in a pretty good mood since.. :p Not even the rain or my tardiness for the day can ruin my mood. Not even work! Speaking of work...

The shot:

This is the picture of the CNU Admin Building at around 7:10pm as I left the campus. I wanted to take a picture of the building last December because it did take my breath away when I first saw it but I never got the chance. Inside the building, when it's lit, you 'd see a very tall Christmas tree but it's not on tonight so it ain't visible. To the left is Rizal and to the right is a small garden. The office to the left is that of the President's while to the right is the Registrar's. The second floor used to be the Graduate School Library but now it's used as temporary classrooms. The stairs are.. well, used for getting inside the Admin Bldg. (haha) but when I was still a child, the stairs served as my playground for "land, water, air, blank" and the sides are for after-school picnics. That was a long time ago.

The story:

I'd like to think this picture is a metaphor of how I feel about my workplace. It has been a little stressful lately because of tons of work that need to be done for that event and this event and that class and this class and so on and so forth. Nevertheless, I am very happy with work right now. I have always imagined that after a long day's work, I'd lie on my bed.. tired but fulfilled. And that's how it has been. There are days when I wake up in the morning and feel excited for work. Haha, and it's not because classes are postponed. =) Don't be mistaken though. I am aware of its imperfections. I'm not looking past them. I just know that in this life, you'd never find perfection. You just have to find what makes you happy. Haha! I think my words are failing me tonight. Well, let's just put it this way... If you look at this picture closely, you'd notice that many of the Christmas lights are not lit anymore. It's far from its December glory. But when I look at it, I remember how it looked when all its lights were still lit and people took photos in front of it like it was the Terraces in Ayala. I remember that and I see this and I still think that it is as beautiful. Or maybe not... because this one is beautiful-er. :p

answered prayers

Whenever I sin, commit a mistake or feel so bad about myself, I always pray to the Lord that if He wills it, He can heal me and make me better. The more I recite this prayer, the more aware I become of God's infinite grace.

I have been meaning to go to confession this week but because work ends at 6pm on MWF and 630pm on TTh, I always go to Sto. Rosario in a rush so I can get to the 7pm cut-off time. Even when the attendant tells me that I may not be able to make it, I'd wait in line and tell God if He'd only will it... I'd get to the priest on time. I didn't make it for the past two days and so I promised myself I'd wake up early today so I can make it to the 8-9 am schedule. Sadly, I got up at 8:50 AM. I felt bad about it but decided to take my chance and go to Redemptorist instead. I arrived at around 11:25am only to discover that the schedule's from 9-11am. Nevertheless, I prayed.. will it, Father.

After my Special Topics class, I rushed to Sto. Rosario to discover that there was no line and all three stations had priests! Yey! On top of that, let me just say that it was the most 'moving' confession I've ever had so far. Oftentimes, the priests there would listen to all your sins, give an advice or two, share a few reminders and then give your prayers for penance and some points to reflect on and pray for. This priest, however, asked me a question or two after each confession and in less than a minute, I found myself crying and telling the priest the things that I am going through. Of the many things we talked about, there are two things that really got to me. He told me to forgive myself and to remember that even if this is the day and age of computers and technology, I am still human so I should go and follow my heart instead of rationalizing what I feel and what I am going through all the time.

This person does not even know me but what he told me are actually things that people who know me have been telling me for quite some time now. When he said it, I felt that it was He who was saying it to me. So, I want to remember this day. I want to remember his and His words that I may change for the better.

Today is a day of answered prayers. Well, everyday is a day of answered prayers but I let many days pass without pausing to acknowledge the blessings that they truly are. Maybe God makes me wait and wait and wait for His time so that I will be more and more aware of what is missing in my life and how the world can never fill it. His blessings come everyday but because I am not aware of the voids they fill and could fill, I let them pass me by. Maybe all the trials I go through help prepare me so that when He comes, I will know that it is He.

Maybe.

And I guess I'm fine with the maybes for now. If I am wrong, then I will forgive myself. When I know that I am wrong, I must have found what is right... and I would have never found out what is right if I was not wrong. =)

Bless my broken road, Lord so that it may lead me straight to you.

new year? new year.

I came home late today from a meeting with AYLA-Bai. After encoding two examinations, I decided to allow myself to get lost in the internet for a while and I ended up reading through my multiply account blog entries. I remembered how I felt writing each entry and I had the urge to write one entry now.

Our clock tells me it's 12:40 AM and in a few hours, I will facing four different classes, attending a novena mass in Sto. Niño, sitting in a faculty meeting and meeting a friend after work. It is natural for me to have an entire day planned ahead even before I get out of bed. I can be a control freak at times. Though I pride myself as someone who is emotionally stable, there are times that I doubt if I truly am. But that's another issue. =)

It's 2011 and everywhere I look, I am reminded that a new year has been ushered in. Inevitably, every new year demands of me to look back on the year that 'was' and I can't help but look back with gratitude. I have changed. Circumstances have changed. The year brought me laughter, tears, successes, failures, joys, pains and all the other contradictions that one can possibly fit in a year but these things have made me who I am today and have led me where I am today. And honestly speaking, I LOVE the person that I AM and the place where I AM.

Every year is a journey and if it weren't for the 365-day rule, the day after December 31,2010 could have been just another 'tomorrow' but it wasn't. I believe it's God's way of pushing us forward... leading us on to something which is much better than what we once had. It is His reminder that we can start again... if we wanted to.

So today, I say welcome 2011! (hang-over from the welcome video we did for AYLC 2011) And instead of me being ready for the year, I dare say... watch out 2011, here I come! =)

seven years

Today, I celebrate my seventh year as a YFC. It has been seven years since my Youth Camp in Science High. Seven years since I started this journey with the Lord. Seven years of ups and downs. Seven years of mercy and grace. Seven years of love.

I got out of bed at past nine in the morning, ate breakfast and finished an invitation I was asked to put together. After lunch, I prepared for a talk which I will give to a group of fresh youth camp graduates for their covenant orientation. After my talk at Basak, I went to withdraw some money for my mom, bought discounted bread at SM French Baker, got home and prepared for my classes for the week.

As I try to end my day, I look back at today and see that nothing I've done is really out-of-this-world. It could have been just another Monday. I ended up asking myself the question, where has seven years taken me? I am not proud of the fact that I still sin and for a moment there, I think I have not really changed at all. But somewhere deep in my mind, a tiny voice is whispering that I should stop looking at my life as something that centers on me. Ako, ako.. lagi nalang ako, as a famous commercial would say. I think my self-centeredness is the cause of my depression... but that would be another issue. :)

If it's not about me, then who is it about anyway? Hehe, it is and always will be about God.

I changed the question. Where has God been through me in the past seven years? Ah.. I can't help but smile. The Lord has truly been gracious and merciful to me. He has done great things in my life... things I will never deserve. And for that, I am grateful. The Lord has been faithful despite my unfaithfulness to Him. Forgive me and thank You, Father.

Today is not like any other Monday. Today is the Lord's Monday with me remembering our seven-year journey since I consciously made the decision to walk with Him. It may not be about me but because it is about Him, He reminds me that He is all about His love for me. I am His daughter and His plans will always be FOR me and never against me even if I don't understand them. Life has never been the same and I guess... it shall never be.

For teaching me faithfulness by example, thank You, Rabboni.

random thoughts

I spent most of the day packing our things and getting ready for the long-awaited trip home. We realized that we were planning to bring more than the allowable weight allocated for each traveler and so the other things need to be shipped in a package. It is scheduled to arrive a few weeks after. The task was very tiring but in the end, the experience has allowed me to reflect on certain things.

First, I realized that a balikbayan box contain more than just material things. It is love and I believe, "I miss yous" left unspoken. With two aunts living abroad for quite some time now, I have gotten used to opening these boxes and receiving the gifts they contain to the point that it seemed part of an annual family routine that everyone participates in. Seeing my Auntie Catel pack this box made me realize that it is not easy to fit all those things inside a box. It entails a certain technique as she would say. One has to make sure that no space is left empty and that requires a lot of arranging and rearranging. It also entails checking and rechecking that all the nephews and nieces actually get something, no matter how small it may seem. I am reminded to be more grateful and to express that gratitude more sincerely than I used to. She may not admit it but I know she misses us, her family in the Philippines, and wish at times that she would be there to give it personally.

Secondly, I learned that there is always a price to pay for excess baggage. I see that it is but wise that we travel light at all times whether in trips or in life itself. As I look back in the school year that was and look forward for the school year that will be, I ask myself if I am ready.I feel my shoulders drop at some point and a weary sigh follows not long after. Sometimes, it is the very price you pray for bringing along so much.. too much.

Lastly, I have come to reflect that I have made plans all my life but Life has constantly revealed other plans for me. These plans involve not only great joys and successes but also great sorrows and failures. I have walked through life believing that His plans are always greater even when I don't understand why. However, human as I am, anxiety sets in.I have been anxious for quite some time now because there have been a lot of things that are not going according to MY plans. I believe this anxiety is caused by the excess baggage I refuse to leave behind for fear that I might lose all control and my goals will be left unmet. I stare at these baggages and fears and feel that I lack the courage to let them go. I have been trying...and failing. But then again...

On this day, God wants you to know...
... that a new beginning is always possible. Let the greening of the Earth in springtime be a sign for you that a new beginning is always possible, even after the longest, coldest, darkest winter.

...a message of hope always comes to me when I need it the most. I can always try again, right? I don't want to go through life paying for excess baggage and I pray that I may let them go slowly... one day at the time until the Winter passes through and Spring comes to welcome me with a smile. Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that may come from packing random things or signing in on Facebook. HAHA! :p

Thank you, Lord. :D

loves of my life

Wise men say only fool rush in. But, I can't help falling in love with you. 

They say pictures contain in them a thousand words and so this post is dedicated to the thousand words of love and wonderful memories these different people have  filled my life with. Single as I am, I celebrate Valentine's Day thankful the gift of love and people who have made me who I am today!

My Papa Nono and Mama Marissa

Where you are is where home is. :)

Dodong Bryan

Thank you for bearing with me. 

Best Friends Felice, Ryka, and Maymay!

Sisters -- not in blood but in bond.

Junior Educators' Alliance

Mommy, Daddy and the entire family. :p

TOSP Community

Learning, Serving, Growing, Leading, Talking and Eating for Life! 

Youth For Christ/ Gawad Kalinga Brothers and Sisters
Heaven is here!

EC 08-09
The beginning of many other things. No regrets.

CNU-SSG 0809

We are perfectly imperfect for each other. Right?

College Barkada- Jing2, Yanie, Janna, Mapet, Rhoda, Cyhrine, Man2 and Maris

Friends for life.

AYLA Family

For keeping me grounded, thank you!

4C!

You all make college unforgettable.

4-D!

My first advisory class.

This is one of those days where I am running out of words. So, I'll keep this post at this. 

I am nothing less than blessed. We all are. :D

it's that time of the year again

I opened up Google and smiled when I saw its new image. I just had to post it.

It is one of the cutest images I have ever seen. Though I believe that you should never get into a relationship unless you are "ready" (defined differently but different people), I have to admit that I am in every way, a hopeless romantic. : D 

The very thought of love makes me smile. I would like to share these lines from the Bible which I read whenever February comes knocking in. (I shared this to my Grade Five girls yesterday. They couldn't believe it was in the Bible.)

 ¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. ⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13
 :D

never outdone

I didn't bring Wade to the Faculty Room yesterday and that means I wasn't able to blog about anything yesterday. Nevertheless, I will make up for it today!

Last Friday, I traveled to Argao with some of my college friends to attend the funeral of Michelle Nasibog who is scheduled to be buried the following day. We shared jokes as we saw each other for the first time since school ended. But, when we got to Michelle's house, most of us were crying. Some are fighting back the tears. After seeing her in her coffin, we all took a seat as we watched a video tribute made by Aline for her. Our eyes were filled with tears as college memories flashed in front of us. I sobbed when we got to the last part where a video clip of Michelle smiling and waving was inserted. She looked so alive there and yet a few feet away, her body laid quietly in a rectangular box chosen for her.

As I cried, a large dew fell down from the tree whose leaves were right above me. At that moment, I heard God tell me that He is, at that moment, crying with me. Crying with us. Though Michelle is on her journey home, I believe God feels our sadness as we let her go. God can never be outdone in love. It was a great comfort to be reminded that He is STILL the Director of Life despite the sadness that filled our gathering that night.

We did not sleep for the entire time we were there. First, we went inside for the second time as a class and prayed for her. I don't know why but during funerals involving my classmates, I was always asked to lead the prayer. And so, I did. My prayer was short and simple.

Lord, wala mi kabaw ug nganong nauna si Michelle namo. Wa mi kasabot ug ngano gikuha Nimo siya kalit gikan kanamo. Pero, nagtuo mi sa Imong Gugma na labaw sa tanan. Nagatuo kami na ang tanang panghitabo kay nahiuyon lang sa Imong maanindot na plano para namong tanan. Among giampo na imo pasayluon si Michelle sa tanan niyang mga sala. Imo unta siyang dawaton sa langit para mahiuban nimo hangtod sa kahangturan. Bisan ug wala mi kasabot, nangayo kami sa Imong pag-giya ug kusog na maynta kami ug ang iyang pamilya makadawat na wala na jud siya kuyog namo diri sa kalibutan. Tagaan Mo unta kami ug kusog para muatubang aning panghitabua. (Silence for personal intentions and messages) Michelle, iampo mo kaming nahabilin pa ngari. Let us pray...  

We spent the rest of night eating and talking about school, our classrooms, our teaching experiences believe it or not, the upcoming elections. The gathering, though sad, was filled with much love. We were reminded of how short life is and how we all need to spend some time to be with those whom we love before it is too late. I went home tired that day but I know that there are people who are fighting harder battles than I am.

In spite and despite all these, I rest. I rest knowing that the Lord can never be outdone in love and His plans are far greater than ours.

my personal blog

I have always loved reading. No, I don't necessarily mean school text books. I love to read almost anything that I get my hands on whether it be a copy of the day's paper, an old magazine at the doctor's clinic, a dusty book off a friend's collection or a bestseller sitting on top of a bookstore's shelf. Given the right book, I could sit still in a corner losing sense of both time and even hunger. I would happily travel to places, to what have beens and could have beens, to the past, future and even to avenues surpassing the limits of time.


It is this love that developed in me the passion for writing as well. I would have pursued writing as a career if only I was not convinced that teaching was my one true love. I still dream of becoming a writer. The Bo-Sanchez-kind-of-writer. I am not very acquainted with the technicalities or the terminologies of the craft but the thought of influencing -- in many ways, educating -- people through the written word excites me.

I promised myself that I would blog as often as I can about almost any subject I can think of but I was almost always limited by time. Or maybe, just limited by my excuses. I just knew I had to write one blog today. I just had to start or it might just be another unnourished dream.

So, here it goes. I have just written one more scribble.