Day 6-7: Get Your 30BBM in Order

Wow! This is one pleasant surprise! Looks like I am not as delayed as I thought I was! We are given time to catch up with the missing challenges. Well, a time for a short pause and reflection.

I have been listening to Harry Potter audio books lately. I'm on Book 5 Chapter 35 already. It's blaring right now out of my laptop while I am typing this entry. I've been trying to distract myself from things that were distracting me these past few days. Am I making sense? Well, I don't think so. So that's the best description of me right now... distracted.

I have tons of papers to check, grades to compute, students and classes to manage for school work. Personal concerns are not helping me get these things in row. The desire of trying to become a better person has been lessened quite a bit. Just lost a lot of motivation to pursue it. But maybe this is the purpose of this task. I just need to breathe a while. I want nothing but a day of rest too.

Yesterday, while I reached an almost-breaking-point, I attended a mass at Sto. Rosario and the first reading struck me. It was a letter from Paul to the Philippians. I remember that line about forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to the path laid out by the Lord towards Him. I think it was got me through that day. The knowledge that there is tomorrow to look forward to. Maybe tomorrow is going to be better. Maybe tomorrow, all of these things will make sense. Well, I KNOW these things but there are just days when knowing just isn't enough. I needed to BELIEVE again. Believe in the greatness within me. Believe in the plans He has for me. Believe in myself. Believe in those around me. Believe in love. Believe in His love.

I hope that I will be able to finish all my ten "tasks" for kindness and catch up with the other tasks too. More than that, however, I wish I could get my life in order too.

Day 5: Character Board

Before anything else, just a short update from my task on Day 4 first. Haha, out of 12, I was only able to do 2! Ironed the newly-washed clothes for my mother and cleaned our house. Sad, right? Sadder is the fact that I am still on Day 5 out of 11 tasks! Sheessshh. Well, I am back now.

The task for Day 5 is kind of exciting! It involves pictures. Weee... (Sorry, just feeling like I want to be child-like today)!

First, I have to identify the five core ideal traits that my ideal self possesses. Hmm.. that would be as follows (in no particular order):

• LOVE unconditionally
• PASSIONATE in pursuing the path to EXCELLENCE
• GRATEFUL in every circumstance
• HAPPY. Just HAPPY.
• CONFIDENT of myself and His plans for me

Now, I'm just going to look for images that would stand for these things... and TADA! I can't figure out how to transfer the picture below this text so please refer to the one on top of this post. =) All pictures were taken from various sites through Google.

Well, it's not everything that I hope it would be but it's very close. Right? Well, it makes me hopeful whenever I see it. Someday... =)

Day 3: Discover Your Ideal Self

Late for Day 3! That's okay. I am doing this today. =)

The task is to describe your 'ideal' self. When will I consider myself as someone with a 10/10 personality? Hmmm...

My ideal self will already know how to love without asking for anything in return. She is kind and caring to all those around here regardless of how they treat her. She will love herself and take care of her needs knowing that she can never give what she does not possess. She forgives herself when she falls short and will try to learn her lessons faster so she doesn't keep on repeating the same mistakes. She is patient and understanding. She will not hold grudges on all those who have hurt her, intentionally or not... knowing that each person has his/her own battles to fight. She will look at her life always half-glass full rather than half-glass empty. She is grateful and she will cherish her blessings everyday, being mindful that she is blessed so that she too can be a blessing.

She will have managed her life properly in the sense that she is a good steward of the Father. Knowing that all she has is not hers but are lent to her so she may bear more fruit, she will work hard to be the best that she can be so she may fulfill the purpose laid long ago deep in her heart. She will listen to her heart more... with more courage this time. She will walk through rain and dance. She will be more wise in choosing her battles. She will take care of her relationships more.

She is beautiful inside and out. She will smile more and choose to be happy no matter what the circumstance knowing that each second she is given is a gift. She will always remember that she is not alone even when it feels like she is. She will be passionate about life, always in pursuit of her dreams and aspirations. She is persistent and confident. She will not be afraid of what other people might say about her as long as she knows she is doing things right. She'd speak out more for what she believes in and stand up for it when opposition arises.

She will prioritize family and all those whom she loves. She will live each day to the fullest. She will love as if she'd never bee hurt. She may cry like there's no tomorrow but after that, she'll get up and keep moving forward full of hope.

=)

Day 2: Understand Your Negative Traits

Wee... Off to the second day of the challenge! (I really hope I can finish this all the way through!)

The task is right here. My answers are as follows:

1. Three traits that I would like to work on this month: (1) lack of discipline, (2) being a harsh self-critic and (3) having a low self-esteem.

2.1. Why do I think I lack discipline? I lack discipline because I always end up overdoing things. When I work, I end up doing too much of it that I forget to rest. When I rest, I tend to overdo it that I miss out on a lot of my work. Oftentimes too, I get hooked up to a movie, book or koreanovela that I sleep super late and then wake up tired and regretting what I did. I just get caught up in "moments" that I fail to take things in moderation.

2.2 I am a harsh self-critic because I always see something wrong in everything I do. I'm not kidding. Though it can be a good thing since I always see spots to improve on but in the long run, it is not a healthy practice. I am, after all, just another human being. There are times when I sink in to moments of "depression" because of my thoughts which, in retrospect, really scares me.

2.3. People may think I am confident and maybe I am but I really do not have a high esteem for myself. There is really a difference between the two... but I'm not going to differentiate it either. What I am trying to point out is that I think my second and third trait are quite related. Because I always see something wrong with what I do, I end up thinking something's wrong with who I am. Hmm.. does that make sense?

3. I want to change all these traits since these are hindering me into becoming the best person that I can be. If I don't start disciplining myself, I would grow to hate myself later on because I am the only person to be blamed for all the 'mismanagement' going on in my life. The other two, if not addressed, will soon lead me to abandoning who I am and then trying to be somebody I am not which I really do not wish to happen. I really want to learn to love myself... so that I too can truly learn how it is to love others.

4. Baby steps to changing...

4.1. Sleep and wake up on time. Haha, God knows that I have been sincerely trying to do this but every attempt is just a MAJOR failure. Schedule movie/koreanovela nights and stick to it. Never overwork so I don't get tempted to over-rest. LOL.

4.2. Say something good about myself everyday. Self-praise? =)

4.3. Everyday, before I sleep, think about something good I have done during the day and then be grateful for it. Be grateful for who I am.

5. SCHEDULE IT! =) Ohkamon.

Lemme start tomorrow then! My clock tells me it's 11:00pm already and I have work to be done so maybe tomorrow. Promise. =)

I hope I'll keep that.

Day 1: Assess Yourself

This entry is going to be the first of it's kind. =) My bestfriend, Maymay, and I have decided to join this online challenge about becoming better "us" in thirty days. Other than to "trying to be better versions of ourselves", I joined in because this is something I'd get to do with my bestfriend even if she's miles away from me. <3

First challenge is to answer these questions:

1. If you were to rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 (in terms of your personality), how much would you rate yourself?
2. Why did you give yourself the score in Q1?
   • State down specific reasons why – At least 3-5 points to explain your score.
   • Elaborate as much as you can. The more you write, the better.
3. Now, write down 5-7 traits about yourself you want to work on.
• These can be traits you don’t like about yourself, or traits you are okay with but you want to eradicate because they serve no value to you.

I am sharing my answers to the world! So to speak. Haha! Just because I can and I want to. No, really.. for some time now, I have been reading personal blogs more. Some of the writers I know in person but there are those who don't know me and some still who I have never met. Nevertheless, reading their entries have touched me in many ways. They don't write like Bo Sanchez or Paulo Coelho (two of my favorite bloggers). They just tell their stories. Their day-to-day stories sound so ordinary... and yet sometimes they just hit the right spot that leave me empowered in so many ways. Inspired by this, I decided to just write about my everyday stories too. Maybe somewhere out there, I get to inspire someone else.

So.. here are my answers.

1. I rated myself an "8". Reading through the sharings in the blog, a lot of people have rated themselves so low that I was wondering to myself if I rated myself right. But then again, if I changed my rating just so I can fit in the "trend", I would have defeated the purpose of the entire challenge. So, I am sticking to my answer.

2. I gave myself an "8" because I have always felt that I'm "almost there" but just not "there" yet. Eight may sound so high of a rating but for me, it's not really more of how high or low the score is... I just feel that I have been stuck in the same position for so long a time. In many angles, staying where you are is much worse that having no movement at all. That is how I have been feeling. It's not a very good feeling at all. I like myself but there are some things that I really "hate" about being me. I feel like I am pulled by two extremes that give the exact same pull that I end up not moving at all.

3. Traits that I would like to work on:

• Indulging in self-pity/ Being a harsh self-critic
• Lack of discipline
• Fear of getting too close to people
• Being unforgiving of self and others
• Being too serious and sensitive
• Over-thinking even in the simplest of matters
• Low self-esteem

These are the first things that came to my mind. I hope I don't regret writing this entry in the morning. =)

Day 1 is done!