4/365: rediscovery

It's been a year of 'firsts'. Today, I declare it to be a year of 'rediscovery' too! To see what has been always there as if it was the first time. What reason? Haha, no rationalization for this one. I just feel like it. :p

The shot:

It's my brother's drawing. He drew it out of boredom. I don't know a single character and I find it a little creepy. Haha! That's okay. I think we can be a little creepy at times.

The story:

I got home and saw my brother sitting on his bed... drawing. It's been a while since I last saw him draw. It's been so long that I can't remember when. My brother's been a little idle these past few days and I can't blame him. I'm just happy I saw him doing something I know he loves. Art is my brother's thing. I once thought he was going to pursue architecture or fine arts...but life had other plans.

I grabbed one of his sketches and took a shot. My brother told me not to post this drawing. He's saying it's one of his worst. Haha.. should I agree? Nah. Not tonight. This reminds me that when we're down to almost nothing, we look around and within and realize that we still have everything we need. When we are idle, doing what others presume to be nothing... we can actually take this time to rediscover who we are, what we love and what life is all about. It's been quite a trying time for my family lately and it's not the kind of thing I feel comfortable blogging about. But we're still here. Still together. Still happy. Still very much alive. Though this entry sounds like rediscovering art, I think that these past few months, God has blessed us with the opportunity to rediscover family. Thank you, Lord. =)

answered prayers

Whenever I sin, commit a mistake or feel so bad about myself, I always pray to the Lord that if He wills it, He can heal me and make me better. The more I recite this prayer, the more aware I become of God's infinite grace.

I have been meaning to go to confession this week but because work ends at 6pm on MWF and 630pm on TTh, I always go to Sto. Rosario in a rush so I can get to the 7pm cut-off time. Even when the attendant tells me that I may not be able to make it, I'd wait in line and tell God if He'd only will it... I'd get to the priest on time. I didn't make it for the past two days and so I promised myself I'd wake up early today so I can make it to the 8-9 am schedule. Sadly, I got up at 8:50 AM. I felt bad about it but decided to take my chance and go to Redemptorist instead. I arrived at around 11:25am only to discover that the schedule's from 9-11am. Nevertheless, I prayed.. will it, Father.

After my Special Topics class, I rushed to Sto. Rosario to discover that there was no line and all three stations had priests! Yey! On top of that, let me just say that it was the most 'moving' confession I've ever had so far. Oftentimes, the priests there would listen to all your sins, give an advice or two, share a few reminders and then give your prayers for penance and some points to reflect on and pray for. This priest, however, asked me a question or two after each confession and in less than a minute, I found myself crying and telling the priest the things that I am going through. Of the many things we talked about, there are two things that really got to me. He told me to forgive myself and to remember that even if this is the day and age of computers and technology, I am still human so I should go and follow my heart instead of rationalizing what I feel and what I am going through all the time.

This person does not even know me but what he told me are actually things that people who know me have been telling me for quite some time now. When he said it, I felt that it was He who was saying it to me. So, I want to remember this day. I want to remember his and His words that I may change for the better.

Today is a day of answered prayers. Well, everyday is a day of answered prayers but I let many days pass without pausing to acknowledge the blessings that they truly are. Maybe God makes me wait and wait and wait for His time so that I will be more and more aware of what is missing in my life and how the world can never fill it. His blessings come everyday but because I am not aware of the voids they fill and could fill, I let them pass me by. Maybe all the trials I go through help prepare me so that when He comes, I will know that it is He.

Maybe.

And I guess I'm fine with the maybes for now. If I am wrong, then I will forgive myself. When I know that I am wrong, I must have found what is right... and I would have never found out what is right if I was not wrong. =)

Bless my broken road, Lord so that it may lead me straight to you.