14/365: Easter (and Bayani Challenge) Reflections

The shot: 'Barkada Pic" after the Gawad Kalinga Bayani Challenge 2011 at Bantayan Island.

The story: Last April 4-9, 2011, I joined in the GK Bayani Challenge with a group of friends. I wanted to write about the experience as soon as I got back but then I got swept away by "things-to-do" that I ended putting it off till now. Come to think of it, it falls on the perfect occasion... Easter.

It has been months since my bestfriend, Maymay, invited me to the event. I kept saying "maybe" and then "no" and then "maybe" to this invitation because of a million excuses. For those who know her, they can attest that she is someone very persuasive. Her persuasiveness heightened (I believe) because I had too many excuses and thus revealing that I just needed a little push to say "yes". To cut the long story short, I went.

At the beginning, I could not really figure out why I did not say "yes" right away. Maybe it was because I felt that I will not be able to do "much" there. I have this tendency not to go to events where people can't tell me what my role there would be. I just felt that I can be more useful somewhere else. Since I was not part of the organizing team, I ended up like the rest of the volunteers. I got an equal share of work and of rest. In the in-betweens, I found myself asking the question of why I was there. This is the answer I got.

I believe that the Lord brought me there to remind me that I am a human being and not a human doing.

I was not there because the people needed me to be there. I was there because I needed to be there. I needed to be there so I can be reminded that the Lord cares less about how much we have done. What He cares for more would be how much each of us has become. It is not a contest of who can carry a heavier cross. It is not even a question of how long we can sustain nailed upon it like the thieves on His side on Good Friday. It is all about the people we become despite all that we carry. It the decision to be a disciple even if what is happening makes no sense to us at all. God loves us. God loves me. He has given me to others and He has given others to me so we can grow together as His children.

Today, I remember the week I spent in Bantayan. I remember the gift of country, community, best friends, friends and family. I remember the gift of sacrifice, struggle and even death to one's self. I remember God and His son, Jesus. I remember that all the pain of Good Fridays lead us to the joy of Easter Sundays.

Walang Iwanan!

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

11/365: hey there, bright side!

The story:

For the past few days, I have not been feeling well. Fever is just around the corner waiting for the next day that sleep proves to be scarce again. Not only that, a lot of mixed emotions about a lot of things have been bothering me. Today, I did not feel like going to school and I did not want to work on anything listed down on my "to-do" list but decided against the feelings anyway.

As I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep. But as soon as I entered the door, my mama told me it's my inaanak's birthday (and I forgot to buy a present) and we were invited to eat dinner at their house. My inaanak is the daughter of my closest friend in our neighborhood. Both of them have a very special place in my heart. Dinner at their house reminded me why I chose to wait for the right time and the right person instead of just hopping on with the trend of textmates and blind dates that parade society today. I'd rather be single than be an unfit wife and an irresponsible mother. I never understood what my friend saw in that guy who happened to be her child's father. She didn't deserve him. I wish she was with someone better...someone who would treat her better...someone who would strive to be better for her and for their child. I am in no position to make judgments because I have my own share of imperfections too. I just pray that he grows up soon enough to see that life has given him a family worth striving for. I felt sad for him for I felt that he didn't see the great blessings he has right in front of him.

At the same time, I felt a little sad for myself too. Like him, I have been acting ungrateful. I have been overlooking the wonderful blessings the Lord has graciously filled my life despite my shortcomings. True enough, God is never late for that needed reminder.

As soon as I got home, I received news that my cousin, Jae, just passed the December 2010 Nursing Licensure Exam! Wohoo! We've got an RN in the family and it felt so great! In reflection though, I think it'd be greater if it didn't take the board exam results for me to remember that God is good all the time.. and that His plans are ALWAYS better than that of our own. Thank you, Father. <3

P.S. And I hope it's not too late... Happy Valentine's Day, world! =)

P.S. 2: The shot:http://marinshe.deviantart.com/art/The-Bright-Side-of-Life-118961703

10/365: midterm evaluation

No, I don't mean the written exams students take halfway through the semester. I have this 'tradition' in my classes where students get to tell me what they want me to 'continue' doing, 'stop' doing and 'start' doing in class so that I may help them learn more and learn better. I do know that I am a young, idealistic and new so I recognize that the room for improvement is quite big. I take a deep breath and go through the sheets written by my students every midterm.

The shot:

I summarize the comments in my blue notebook and I share them to class after we check the midterm exam papers so that I may verify the things that they have written down. Out of the papers they gave me, I saved three. The picture shows two of those papers because the other one has been cut out and pasted on my planner. Talk about sentimental. Haha

The story:

There are days when work takes its toll on me. I love teaching, my university and my students. Really, I do. But, I am human and with four preparations this semester with eight classes all in all with students ranging from 12-50 in each (+ the upcoming Accreditation and my 3 classes for Masters), I think I have the right to say that I am tired. Yesterday was one of those days. Despite the fact that work was and is draining all my energy for the day, I can't help but smile as I read through what my students have written down. I do take my evaluation seriously and it's simply because I believe that teaching effectiveness boils down to the students. The moment we do not take our students' feedback into account, I think that's the time we start asking ourselves what we are doing in the field. (Others have their reasons why they believe otherwise and I respect that, too.)

I am pretty sure that there are those who did not take the activity seriously and there are those who wrote down what their seatmates wrote down but let God be the judge of who's who. I am not sure also if the comments were honestly written or intentionally written just to make me feel good but please just let me indulge myself. These are some of the messages my students included in their evaluation that might just get me through not just this week but maybe the entire semester:

• Miss, you are a woman of many examples. (Haha, I'm not even sure what that means! :p)
• Your class is the best start of my day every TTh! (More reasons to wake up early in the morning, huh? Haha)
• I wish all teachers teach the way you do. ( :D)
• I love going to your class even if it's my last subject every MW. It's not boring =) (This one made my planner the very day I read it. And yes, the smiley is part of the message)
• You inspire me, Miss. (Need I say more?)

And just to be fair, here are some of the 'Stop' doing:

• Sometimes, you talk too fast, Miss. Please slow down. (One even said that I should be sensitive especially when they are still 'loading'. Wahaha, tsk, tsk, tsk. :p)
• Miss, you forget the time. Please stop dismissing us late. (Oops!)
• Stop making your face cruel. (Yep, exact words. Other versions include 'frowning'. :D)
• Stop doing something. (BWAHAHAHA.)
• Stop giving difficult exams, assignments and projects. (Hehe)

Well, I told them that I can guarantee that I won't be able to meet all their expectations but I will do my best to be a more effective. I promised to check on where what they want to happen and what we need to happen would meet and that's what we are going to do in class.

And with that, let me call it a day. Goodbye class. Hahaha! :)

7/365: kitkat. or something like that.

Ccccoooooffffeeeeee!!! :)

The shot:

This is not a new picture. I took it a few months ago at Starmart one Sunday evening when I felt I needed a break.

The story:

I forgot to take the picture that I was planning to post tonight. I lost my mind in thoughts of proving that s is an element of S ajfdsyojds;lkjisgjsdj;lskf... you get the drift. So, I looked for a picture in my phone and this got my attention. I almost forgot that I had this. Why? I need a break... and that's why this post is going to be short! Haha, the teacher is sleeping early tonight.

Thought for the day: When you feel you need a break, take one!

6/365: the only exception

The song with the same title happens to be my ring tone ever since.. uhm, ever since I downloaded it on my phone. Although that song reminds me of someone, I will never write about that someone here. Well, at least for now. =)

The shot:

Not that they are of the same level of significance to me, but this song is also perfect for my -- I mean, our pet dog. Ace. And yes, that's him over here ==>

The story:

I have a fear of dogs...a phobia I should say. It's so intense that even if the dog's just lying on the ground, I'd call someone to walk with me just to get past that scary creature that's getting in my way. A little more than a year ago, my brother persuaded my parents to adopt a puppy against my very own wishes. My brother wanted the dog so bad that I said yes as long as they kept it away from me. For the first few months, my life at home was filled with terror. That thing just kept running towards me when I arrived home from work, looking at me while I was eating and barking at me when I don't pay any attention to it.

Now, things have changed. Big time. You see, the bed in this picture happens to be mine. Haha! Even when he was just a few months old, I'd wake up screaming in the morning asking my brother why the dog was sleeping in my bed. This Ace-yot (as I fondly call him) has won my heart..after many months of getting into my bed in the middle of the night. :p I still wake up in the morning with him at the foot of my bed and FYI I am not afraid of touching him anymore! Yipee! And I enjoy hugging him, too! The only catch is that when I get home, somebody still has to hold him back. I don't think I can take his weight when he jumps at me so I let him calm down for a while before I let him come near me. He's so sweet and adorable to us. Let me repeat. To us. Haha, because this doggy bites. Two neighbors of ours got bitten already so b-e-w-a-r-e. Haha!

What's the point of my post? Well, maybe I just want to say that people do change... and though I am pretty much a rule-person, I make exceptions too. My excuse? Love. :)

5/365: everybody gets a chance

I was planning to write about something else today but I totally changed my mind after watching American Idol's Season 10 First Audition Run at New Jersey. I am not an American Idol fan really. The only season I watched religiously was the one with David Cook. Don't ask me the season number because I honestly don't remember.

For the lack of interest on the local telenovelas, I switched to channel 27 and the show just began. We (me, my mother and my younger brother) laughed our way through the episode and basing on just one show, I can say that I am loving the new set of judges. :) At the end of the two-hour show however, my mom and I got teary-eyed.

The shot:

Obviously, I did not take the picture. It shows the new set of judges and the host. I can't say anything much about this one except that this came up after I googled "American Idol Season 10".

The story:

The last audition was from a young black American who lived in the Bronx. His was a story that made us emotional. He and his family used to live in a shelter because they could not afford to live anywhere else. His story was not very different from many of those who join competitions such as this. It may be a different setting or a different dilemma but still, everybody goes through hardships that shake us up. The most striking part for me came when his dad was interviewed. Though I am not sure if I am getting the words right, I remember he said something like, "I want him to get this chance. That is what's good about America, everyone gets to have a chance. And I want you to remember that son. You... are an American." A few moments later, he gets to sing, gets three 'yes-es' and the room was filled with emotion.

Even after the credits rolled in, I can remember his father's words. The father, despite their poverty (yes, it is possible to be poor in America), their color (there was a time when people like them were largely discriminated) and condition, firmly believes that in their country, everyone is given a chance.

I hope I hear more people say that about the Philippines. I hear it from my students, from fellow teachers and from a lot of people around me irregardless of gender, status and line of work... in the Philippines, not everybody gets 'the' chance.

Call me idealistic, hopeless or blind but I still believe that in our country, people can still get the chances that they desire. The chance to win, succeed, progress, etc. It may not come in the same manner for all but it doesn't mean we ought to lose hope. I want to believe that God has given each one of us a chance to do better and be better.

I'm checking the reflections papers of my students right now. Theirs are stories I wish I could tell. Theirs are stories filled with hope for better things... even if what they see at present are dark skies. If American Idol judges take pride in playing a part in the stars' success stories, I take immense joy knowing that I am witnessing how many of my struggling-and-yet-still-hopeful students are living out their chances of getting a good education... the chances that other people around them are telling them they'll never have.

4/365: rediscovery

It's been a year of 'firsts'. Today, I declare it to be a year of 'rediscovery' too! To see what has been always there as if it was the first time. What reason? Haha, no rationalization for this one. I just feel like it. :p

The shot:

It's my brother's drawing. He drew it out of boredom. I don't know a single character and I find it a little creepy. Haha! That's okay. I think we can be a little creepy at times.

The story:

I got home and saw my brother sitting on his bed... drawing. It's been a while since I last saw him draw. It's been so long that I can't remember when. My brother's been a little idle these past few days and I can't blame him. I'm just happy I saw him doing something I know he loves. Art is my brother's thing. I once thought he was going to pursue architecture or fine arts...but life had other plans.

I grabbed one of his sketches and took a shot. My brother told me not to post this drawing. He's saying it's one of his worst. Haha.. should I agree? Nah. Not tonight. This reminds me that when we're down to almost nothing, we look around and within and realize that we still have everything we need. When we are idle, doing what others presume to be nothing... we can actually take this time to rediscover who we are, what we love and what life is all about. It's been quite a trying time for my family lately and it's not the kind of thing I feel comfortable blogging about. But we're still here. Still together. Still happy. Still very much alive. Though this entry sounds like rediscovering art, I think that these past few months, God has blessed us with the opportunity to rediscover family. Thank you, Lord. =)

3/365: the workplace

Wow, I'm actually on my 3rd day. I wonder how long I can keep this up. Haha. It rained cats and dogs this morning and I was eight minutes late for work! I hate being late. I really do. I promised I'd work on my punctuality issues this year and I hope I can do better next time... and I don't mean being seven or six minutes late. Haha.

Okay, I've been laughing since this morning. I've been in a pretty good mood since.. :p Not even the rain or my tardiness for the day can ruin my mood. Not even work! Speaking of work...

The shot:

This is the picture of the CNU Admin Building at around 7:10pm as I left the campus. I wanted to take a picture of the building last December because it did take my breath away when I first saw it but I never got the chance. Inside the building, when it's lit, you 'd see a very tall Christmas tree but it's not on tonight so it ain't visible. To the left is Rizal and to the right is a small garden. The office to the left is that of the President's while to the right is the Registrar's. The second floor used to be the Graduate School Library but now it's used as temporary classrooms. The stairs are.. well, used for getting inside the Admin Bldg. (haha) but when I was still a child, the stairs served as my playground for "land, water, air, blank" and the sides are for after-school picnics. That was a long time ago.

The story:

I'd like to think this picture is a metaphor of how I feel about my workplace. It has been a little stressful lately because of tons of work that need to be done for that event and this event and that class and this class and so on and so forth. Nevertheless, I am very happy with work right now. I have always imagined that after a long day's work, I'd lie on my bed.. tired but fulfilled. And that's how it has been. There are days when I wake up in the morning and feel excited for work. Haha, and it's not because classes are postponed. =) Don't be mistaken though. I am aware of its imperfections. I'm not looking past them. I just know that in this life, you'd never find perfection. You just have to find what makes you happy. Haha! I think my words are failing me tonight. Well, let's just put it this way... If you look at this picture closely, you'd notice that many of the Christmas lights are not lit anymore. It's far from its December glory. But when I look at it, I remember how it looked when all its lights were still lit and people took photos in front of it like it was the Terraces in Ayala. I remember that and I see this and I still think that it is as beautiful. Or maybe not... because this one is beautiful-er. :p