1/365: The Planner

Wow, how creative of me. Bwahaha! :p

The shot:

For day 1, it's the picture of my newly-acquired planner (points to picture)! The pics are coming from my LG phone by the way and I am not one of those people who are into photography so please be tolerant of the pictures' quality for now (excellence, excellence!). Plus, you'll know I took them if they are placed on the upper right of the entry. If not, the pics are not mine.

The story:

Before I start my day, I open my planner and pray for my intentions, dreams and to-do-list. Other than reminding me that I still have the ability to achieve my goals, short-term and/or long-term, my planner inspires me to look forward to life each day. Some people think that writing to-do-lists is overrated but for me, it's not. I think it just means that the day ahead is full of promises and even if I have much on my listS, there is always space left for surprises. I think there is nothing wrong with planning, setting goals and dreaming as long as you don't lose sight of The Goal. I hope I get my days fully-booked! Papers to check, lessons to plan, and records to submit are sure to take up some space but I hope what takes most of the space would be my dates with the people I love and my dates with the Lord. =)

According to one of my mentors, Bro. Bo Sanchez, if you don't plan your life... somebody else will. If you don't define your dreams, you might just end up chasing other people's dreams for you which may not be the dreams He has planted in your heart so go ahead.. plan! dream! work on those plans and dreams!

But, if you must fail like I do, then learn, get up and plan, dream and work again!

After all, the year has just begun.

365 days, 365 photos

Last December 2010, I decided to collect 17 stickers from Starbucks so I can get a planner. Other than being a planner-person, I wanted one because I wanted to pursue a short-term goal.

This year, I'm not sure I'm getting another planner but I decided that I am going to do a 365-day blog project for 2011. It's nothing new. I've read many blogs who do some crazy things for 365 days --- one day at a time. I said to myself that this is something I can do and I want to give it a try. For the next 365 days (364, minus today), I am going to post a picture a day of something that has inspired me. One day at a time. And then I am going to write a little about it and then that's about it. Pretty simple, huh? I think it's the commitment part that will make it a challenge. But its a me-against-me battle so it is virtually impossible to lose. HAHA!

Why am I doing this? Maybe because it's a short-term goal I can pursue. Or simply because I want to do it. Whatever it is, I need not rationalize it. So, here it goes...

our deepest fear

There's no long blog entry today.

I was looking for something inspiring to share to my students when we get back from Sinulog --- and yes, after the midterm examinations and I came across with this. I've read it a million times before and if I am not mistaken, I quoted this in The Magister when I was still EIC. These lines always get to me and if there are those who need a little push to do more, then this should do it.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

Have a great week, ahead! :)

sinulog 2011

I will never forget the first time I went to see Señor Sto. Niño inside the Basilica. When I say 'see', I mean getting in line and be able to stand in front of His image inside the church. It was on the afternoon of September 26, 2009 ---the day before the first schedule of LET 2009. I was waiting for my friend Marisse in the Pilgrim Center when I realized that I have never gotten inside that small room where devotees would line up to whisper a prayer to the Holy Child. I went in and I guess the rest is history.

Ever since that afternoon, the Holy Child had a very special place in my heart. I've joined the procession and attended the novena masses many times in the past but what transpired that day (which could make up an entire entry altogether) moved me in such a way that every mass, every step in the procession and every line of Bato Balani sa Gugma became more personal. I wanted to complete the novena masses this year for His feast but I ended up two masses short. Nevertheless, this year's fiesta is still as meaningful and love-filled as ever.

I woke up early today to witness the fluvial parade but I was not able to stay long enough to see Him pass by where I was standing since I had to run to my Masters class at 8:00am. After class, I tried getting some work done in the office and then it was off to the procession with my college friends. The rain kept us a little longer at CNU but I think the delay was a blessing. We got the chance to listen to the CNU's Children's Choir tribute songs with live violin/organ accompaniment. It was a sight to behold, too! Devotees, foreign visitors and people passing by the university took time to stop, take pictures of the group and join them in their singing.

During the procession, we saw friends and students along the way. It was fun and overwhelming to get lost in a sea of devotees as we lined up and waited for the 'karo' of the Holy Child. When He passed by, I was left speechless. I was not even able to clap or shout 'Pit Señor!' right away. I was in awe of His majesty despite His very small representation. This is what the feast is truly about. It is about His love... that He loved us first and nothing we do will ever make Him love us any less. It is all about Him. =)

After that, we went to eat dinner at Mang Inasal (special mention to Jandel for paying for the drinks!). We had a fun two-truths-and-one-lie game and then Rhea, Lora and I went straight to the Basilica.

It was the very first time that I went inside the church for the pontifical mass. The shouts of the 'traditional Sinulog' song echoed through the walls and let me say it again.. overwhelming! It was raining very hard and it was hot inside the Basilica. People came from all directions and we had to squeeze our way through the crowd and we sang to our hearts content. The petitions made us laugh because we could really relate to most of them. We lost Rhea in the crowd for a while but despite the 'hardships' we had to endure, it was truly worth it. No one was complaining. We had smiles on our faces as we parted. The fiesta is, after all, a celebration of love which is evident in our lifelong friendships (thank you friends for sharing this day with me!).

I got home, took a warm bath and am now typing my way through this entry. What a day it has been and I can't help but share it. Pit Señor, everyone! Have a great Sinulog!

=)

answered prayers

Whenever I sin, commit a mistake or feel so bad about myself, I always pray to the Lord that if He wills it, He can heal me and make me better. The more I recite this prayer, the more aware I become of God's infinite grace.

I have been meaning to go to confession this week but because work ends at 6pm on MWF and 630pm on TTh, I always go to Sto. Rosario in a rush so I can get to the 7pm cut-off time. Even when the attendant tells me that I may not be able to make it, I'd wait in line and tell God if He'd only will it... I'd get to the priest on time. I didn't make it for the past two days and so I promised myself I'd wake up early today so I can make it to the 8-9 am schedule. Sadly, I got up at 8:50 AM. I felt bad about it but decided to take my chance and go to Redemptorist instead. I arrived at around 11:25am only to discover that the schedule's from 9-11am. Nevertheless, I prayed.. will it, Father.

After my Special Topics class, I rushed to Sto. Rosario to discover that there was no line and all three stations had priests! Yey! On top of that, let me just say that it was the most 'moving' confession I've ever had so far. Oftentimes, the priests there would listen to all your sins, give an advice or two, share a few reminders and then give your prayers for penance and some points to reflect on and pray for. This priest, however, asked me a question or two after each confession and in less than a minute, I found myself crying and telling the priest the things that I am going through. Of the many things we talked about, there are two things that really got to me. He told me to forgive myself and to remember that even if this is the day and age of computers and technology, I am still human so I should go and follow my heart instead of rationalizing what I feel and what I am going through all the time.

This person does not even know me but what he told me are actually things that people who know me have been telling me for quite some time now. When he said it, I felt that it was He who was saying it to me. So, I want to remember this day. I want to remember his and His words that I may change for the better.

Today is a day of answered prayers. Well, everyday is a day of answered prayers but I let many days pass without pausing to acknowledge the blessings that they truly are. Maybe God makes me wait and wait and wait for His time so that I will be more and more aware of what is missing in my life and how the world can never fill it. His blessings come everyday but because I am not aware of the voids they fill and could fill, I let them pass me by. Maybe all the trials I go through help prepare me so that when He comes, I will know that it is He.

Maybe.

And I guess I'm fine with the maybes for now. If I am wrong, then I will forgive myself. When I know that I am wrong, I must have found what is right... and I would have never found out what is right if I was not wrong. =)

Bless my broken road, Lord so that it may lead me straight to you.

blah.

I was reminded today that no matter how hard you try, you can never please everybody. Hayy. This just shows how hard-headed I am because I have been reminded of this fact again and again but I guess I have not truly learned. :(

Today is not a sad day. It has been.. well, I think the best way to describe it would be 'disturbing'. My body tells me I'm tired and my mind tells me I ought to call it a day and rest but my heart is restless tonight and I am looking for the right words to express what it wants to get across so it can calm down and let the day go.

I think a part of me just wants to shout. I want to fight. I want to complain. I want to confront. I want to demand. But whenever a thought such as this comes to me, I shut it down instantly. I am not a saint nor am I a martyr. I just think that 'that' is not who I am and if I give in to any of those emotions, I would be becoming somebody that I am not. But then again, wouldn't shutting down your emotions mean that you are not being true to yourself? Haha, I don't think I am making any sense right now but I am finishing this entry anyway. I think it's alright not to make sense at times and tonight is just one of those times.

I am wanderer lost in between leaving the dream I've always wanted and living the dream I'm afraid to want. I am happy and sad at the same time... feeling caught up in the 'in-betweens' of life. Do all twenty-one year olds feel this? Is this pre-life crisis thing real? Is this what I'm going through right now? I don't think my heart can offer me answers tonight. I just have to accept that things like 'this' happen. Haha, I can't even get myself to write what's really bothering me.

Blah, blah, blah.. blah, blah, blah.

Oh well, goodnight world!

new year? new year.

I came home late today from a meeting with AYLA-Bai. After encoding two examinations, I decided to allow myself to get lost in the internet for a while and I ended up reading through my multiply account blog entries. I remembered how I felt writing each entry and I had the urge to write one entry now.

Our clock tells me it's 12:40 AM and in a few hours, I will facing four different classes, attending a novena mass in Sto. Niño, sitting in a faculty meeting and meeting a friend after work. It is natural for me to have an entire day planned ahead even before I get out of bed. I can be a control freak at times. Though I pride myself as someone who is emotionally stable, there are times that I doubt if I truly am. But that's another issue. =)

It's 2011 and everywhere I look, I am reminded that a new year has been ushered in. Inevitably, every new year demands of me to look back on the year that 'was' and I can't help but look back with gratitude. I have changed. Circumstances have changed. The year brought me laughter, tears, successes, failures, joys, pains and all the other contradictions that one can possibly fit in a year but these things have made me who I am today and have led me where I am today. And honestly speaking, I LOVE the person that I AM and the place where I AM.

Every year is a journey and if it weren't for the 365-day rule, the day after December 31,2010 could have been just another 'tomorrow' but it wasn't. I believe it's God's way of pushing us forward... leading us on to something which is much better than what we once had. It is His reminder that we can start again... if we wanted to.

So today, I say welcome 2011! (hang-over from the welcome video we did for AYLC 2011) And instead of me being ready for the year, I dare say... watch out 2011, here I come! =)