13/365: birthday post =)

I turn 22 today. =) But there is so much more than that.

The shot:

Me and my brother during the 2010 fluvial parade.

The story:

Today started out to be a bittersweet day for me. Sweet because I have been blessed with another year added to my life and bitter because my brother is not graduating this year. Something like that is a big thing for me. My brother's success in anything that he gives his effort in means a lot to me.

For the rest of the day, I kept on praying that the Lord walk with me through the day and celebrate it with me. I prayed that He grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I spent the first few minutes of my day in prayer and in thanking those who took the time to greet me. At 9:30 AM, I was in school for the dissemination of my students' grades. After lunch, I went to hear mass. Amazingly, the celebrant is also celebrating his birthday and as the mass ended, everyone in the assembly sang 'happy birthday' which I felt was God's way of singing for me. Sweeeet! <3

My brother texted me that he is attending his classmates' graduation and so I decided to spend the rest of my time reading Leo Buscaglia's book, Loving Each Other. I was in the chapter about forgiveness when my brother joined me for the rest of the afternoon. My conversation with him was no less than inspiring. It wasn't because of his choice of words and nor was it because of his manner of speaking. What made it inspiring is the man that he has chosen to become as reflected in his thoughts. There was no tinge of bitterness or sarcasm in his voice when he spoke about the graduation. There was pride and great love for friends who stood by him and who he stood for for the past four years. He was happy for his friends and in many ways, I felt he has grown a lot wiser.

It has been said many times before and I think it holds true today. There is a purpose for everything. In the remaining hours of my 'birthday', I choose to write about my brother. He is more than the man other people think he is. He is more than what others give him credit for. I am truly proud of him. Thank you for your example, dong.

The 'ate' turns 22 today and has learned that in a heart of love, no room should be rented out to bitterness. That would be such a waste of space.

A happy day indeed. =)

12/365: RAISE hangover

I just got home from the YFC Raise (Praise and Worship) Concert and I spent a few minutes trying to fit what I want to say in 420 words (allowable number of words for an FB status ) but to no avail. I guess this is what they call inspiration. Haha!

The shot:
Of course, the event promotional picture which is actually the gold ticket that I got from the event! :) Got this photo from a tumbler account. I could upload the picture of my ticket but my head is spinning and I need to get to bed ASAP. Haha (excuses, excuses). I just want to get these words out before they escape me. :)

The story:
I was thinking of not going to the event since the person that I was planning to go with was not allowed to leave their house. My reason? I had to check tons of papers. I know. The reason sounds lame but for people who know me, the reason is well, so.. er.. soooo me. Haha. I want to get my work done but I felt the urge to just go. It's been so long since I worshiped with my YFC community so I went. I was late but was still on time for the start of the program. =p

I enter and was shocked to know that I barely know most of the members of the service team (was I away THAT long?). Haha! Then, the first song comes in and I start thinking "uh-oh. I don't know this one.." and the second one begins and still the same, I am not familiar with any of them. (am I THAT old??)

Mishy: Lord, kanta tag song na kamao ko...
Lord: you know all these songs by heart... you just stopped singing.
Mishy: (laughs to self) (pauses) (smiles to self) (continues singing)

True enough, I know one or two of the entire two-hour song list but I managed to sing together with the others because the lyrics were in display and because the tune was not very complicated. But I think, this is because in a worship, it's never just about the music or the songs but it's about the Lord of the music and the songs... and when you sing to a person who just loves you unconditionally, you can never go wrong. =)

Later on, sharings started coming in and it felt like I never left. This was so YFC. I knew I made the right choice of coming because I needed a reminder... for many things but mostly for the fact that what I do is for the Lord and regardless if I am tired, weary, sick or happy, I just lift it up to Him because all of it is HIS. Have Your Way and All for You are my major, major songs for the night.

I am terribly stressed thinking of the papers to be checked, grades to be computed and many other tasks that had deadlines painted all over them. However, in reflection, I am stressed not because of what I have to do but because I have forgotten that I am not about what I do but what I am becoming because of what I do. I am, after all, not a human doing but a human being. Tonight reminded me that what I do does not define me. I do what I do because of who I am and I am God's servant, called by name and anointed. If the all-powerful God believes that I can do this, then who I am to let doubt and shame overcome my confidence that each step I take and each day I live is taking me closer to the woman that God dreams of me to become?

I looked around the venue and memories came rushing in. The concert was held in the same place where I realized that I had feelings for a friend. I laughed and told the Lord that He was teasing me again. I felt Him smile at me and at that same moment, we were singing the line, "my hear belongs to you...Jesus". And at that, He asked me: "Can I have it back, anak?" I couldn't fight back the tears. How could I have placed him before Him? I'm glad that God is a jealous God (because He wants me back. yey!!!) but that He is not an envy God for He waited for me to come back. God waits... for me. I complain that I have been waiting and waiting and waiting. But I have never heard God complain about how I keep Him waiting because of the most trivial things.

God waits. God is true love. True love waits.

Moreover, I want to learn how to love like God. As Kuya Sharry would put it, nothing less than God is love because God IS love. So with that, I handed it back to HIM. I can wait. Really, I can. :)

Needless to say, I brought home more than a 'golden ticket' and a stamped arm. I am tired but I feel like I am ready for anything this week is going to throw at me. Haha, what a night! Wohoo! See what I mean? How do you put all of these in 420 words? Oh com'on!

I have to sleep already. But before that, I want to say I LOVE JESUS and May GOD be praised forever! =)

11/365: hey there, bright side!

The story:

For the past few days, I have not been feeling well. Fever is just around the corner waiting for the next day that sleep proves to be scarce again. Not only that, a lot of mixed emotions about a lot of things have been bothering me. Today, I did not feel like going to school and I did not want to work on anything listed down on my "to-do" list but decided against the feelings anyway.

As I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep. But as soon as I entered the door, my mama told me it's my inaanak's birthday (and I forgot to buy a present) and we were invited to eat dinner at their house. My inaanak is the daughter of my closest friend in our neighborhood. Both of them have a very special place in my heart. Dinner at their house reminded me why I chose to wait for the right time and the right person instead of just hopping on with the trend of textmates and blind dates that parade society today. I'd rather be single than be an unfit wife and an irresponsible mother. I never understood what my friend saw in that guy who happened to be her child's father. She didn't deserve him. I wish she was with someone better...someone who would treat her better...someone who would strive to be better for her and for their child. I am in no position to make judgments because I have my own share of imperfections too. I just pray that he grows up soon enough to see that life has given him a family worth striving for. I felt sad for him for I felt that he didn't see the great blessings he has right in front of him.

At the same time, I felt a little sad for myself too. Like him, I have been acting ungrateful. I have been overlooking the wonderful blessings the Lord has graciously filled my life despite my shortcomings. True enough, God is never late for that needed reminder.

As soon as I got home, I received news that my cousin, Jae, just passed the December 2010 Nursing Licensure Exam! Wohoo! We've got an RN in the family and it felt so great! In reflection though, I think it'd be greater if it didn't take the board exam results for me to remember that God is good all the time.. and that His plans are ALWAYS better than that of our own. Thank you, Father. <3

P.S. And I hope it's not too late... Happy Valentine's Day, world! =)

P.S. 2: The shot:http://marinshe.deviantart.com/art/The-Bright-Side-of-Life-118961703

just because.

The funny thing about keeping a blog is that you don't really know if other people are reading it or not. Haha, and it'd be crazy if you are keeping a blog and hope that no one reads it because heeelllooo, it's in the world wide web. Haha! Irregardless of all of that, I have been reading one blog very recently that has inspired me to just write about what I want to write just because I want to write it. So, here it goes.

I hate Valentine's Day 2011. Hate, I was told, is a very strong word to use but I can't find a word that would mean as much as it does. ( I am thinking of 'despise' but I think that word is stronger. Haha).

Why?

Because I am bitter.

Haha! And for the first time ever, I am admitting that I am bitter about the whole Valentine's Day celebration. Especially this year's Valentine's Day and I am even going to elaborate on that! Why? Because I can, I want to and the person I don't want to know about it will surely never get to read this!

I hate it because it reminds me of all the other celebrations that kept me hoping that when I'm done with college and I'm done being 'responsible', it'd finally come. But it still hasn't.

I hate it because everybody is telling me that it's fun to be single but it has finally come to a point that it isn't anymore! Haha! OR mass media and all the chick flicks that I watch are getting to me.

I hate it because of this one specific person who for the first time in my entire existence has finally made me say the words I promised I'd never be caught saying to a guy. And after all that I have put myself through, I have come to realize that indeed, we are just friends. WAH...

And I can't believe I am being a drama queen for this. Haha, someday.. when I am older and more mature, I will look back, read this entry and laugh at myself for being so.. so.. naive? bitter? desperate? Haha. Now, that's an idea worth holding on to.

Wow, writing those words did make me feel better. I look back and I have no regrets. Haha, maybe this how the whole "growing up" thing works. It's suppose to push you through your pre-defined limits so you will know that they were never really your limits. If I can wait for twenty-one years, I think I can wait for a couple more, right?

I am not sure how long it will take me to get over this time around by I am sure that if it is not meant to be, I will get over it somehow. This whole thing also tells me that there is much growing up to do. So, growing up it is then...

BTW, to YOU: Thank you for being honest and for not making me believe in things that are never there in the first place. Although what I feel for you has caused me much pain, all of it is actually self-inflicted. Haha, so.. I don't hate you. If anything, I am only thankful. Let's be friends. We are definitely great that way.

10/365: midterm evaluation

No, I don't mean the written exams students take halfway through the semester. I have this 'tradition' in my classes where students get to tell me what they want me to 'continue' doing, 'stop' doing and 'start' doing in class so that I may help them learn more and learn better. I do know that I am a young, idealistic and new so I recognize that the room for improvement is quite big. I take a deep breath and go through the sheets written by my students every midterm.

The shot:

I summarize the comments in my blue notebook and I share them to class after we check the midterm exam papers so that I may verify the things that they have written down. Out of the papers they gave me, I saved three. The picture shows two of those papers because the other one has been cut out and pasted on my planner. Talk about sentimental. Haha

The story:

There are days when work takes its toll on me. I love teaching, my university and my students. Really, I do. But, I am human and with four preparations this semester with eight classes all in all with students ranging from 12-50 in each (+ the upcoming Accreditation and my 3 classes for Masters), I think I have the right to say that I am tired. Yesterday was one of those days. Despite the fact that work was and is draining all my energy for the day, I can't help but smile as I read through what my students have written down. I do take my evaluation seriously and it's simply because I believe that teaching effectiveness boils down to the students. The moment we do not take our students' feedback into account, I think that's the time we start asking ourselves what we are doing in the field. (Others have their reasons why they believe otherwise and I respect that, too.)

I am pretty sure that there are those who did not take the activity seriously and there are those who wrote down what their seatmates wrote down but let God be the judge of who's who. I am not sure also if the comments were honestly written or intentionally written just to make me feel good but please just let me indulge myself. These are some of the messages my students included in their evaluation that might just get me through not just this week but maybe the entire semester:

• Miss, you are a woman of many examples. (Haha, I'm not even sure what that means! :p)
• Your class is the best start of my day every TTh! (More reasons to wake up early in the morning, huh? Haha)
• I wish all teachers teach the way you do. ( :D)
• I love going to your class even if it's my last subject every MW. It's not boring =) (This one made my planner the very day I read it. And yes, the smiley is part of the message)
• You inspire me, Miss. (Need I say more?)

And just to be fair, here are some of the 'Stop' doing:

• Sometimes, you talk too fast, Miss. Please slow down. (One even said that I should be sensitive especially when they are still 'loading'. Wahaha, tsk, tsk, tsk. :p)
• Miss, you forget the time. Please stop dismissing us late. (Oops!)
• Stop making your face cruel. (Yep, exact words. Other versions include 'frowning'. :D)
• Stop doing something. (BWAHAHAHA.)
• Stop giving difficult exams, assignments and projects. (Hehe)

Well, I told them that I can guarantee that I won't be able to meet all their expectations but I will do my best to be a more effective. I promised to check on where what they want to happen and what we need to happen would meet and that's what we are going to do in class.

And with that, let me call it a day. Goodbye class. Hahaha! :)

9/365: new found love

Okaaayy. I chose not to blog yesterday because I was really tired. I did not even force myself to sleep. I lay down and poof! Haha! To make up for lost time though, I am posting two entries today! Ahaha!

The shot:

I would have taken a shot of the real thing but there's none of it left. This is a picture of a Red Ribbon White Forest Cake. Yumyum! :)

Photo taken from:http://www.sirearevalo.com/red-ribbons-new-white-forest-cakelet-there-be-white-indeed/

The story:

My father celebrated his 52nd birthday yesterday (Happy Birthday, Pa!) and my mama decided to buy this cake. As a backgrounder, let me tell you that the official birthday cake in our house is the Red Ribbon Black Forest Cake simply because it's the awesomest cake in the planet. Haha, ok. It's because it's my favorite cake. I love it so much that I don't specify any other dish on my birthday. It's a must-have on my birthday and in all other birthdays as well. Haha! But yesterday, my mama tried this one and Oh May Gulay. It was delicciioouusss. So delicious in fact that I couldn't get my fork away from it. Now, I have a dilemma. Will I let go of my first love? Haha! Oh well, I think both of them fit perfectly inside my heart... and stomach! :p

8/365: a girl who reads

A few days ago, I visited the library after its renovation. I was there to get reference books for my new lessons for the final term. I took out three books that afternoon: 1 reference book for stress management (one of my lessons for Special Topics) and the other two were self-help books... for me! I love to read. I really do. I think it is my love for it that prompted me to write. Oh well, if only I had more time in my hands right now.

The shot:

I googled 'library' today because I am feeling lazy and did not take any post-worthy pictures. I woke up at around 10am, went out to run a few errands this afternoon, attended mass (my favorite priest, Father Louie is back! Yipee! :D) and checked projects for the rest of the day. I was pondering on what to post so that I will not skip a day and I decided to share something that I've read recently instead. BTW, please forgive me for not giving credits where it is due in the past. Let me redeem myself starting with this post. I got this picture from: http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Gallery-of-the-Old-Library-Trinity-College-Dublin-County-Dublin-Eire-Ireland-Posters_i2650006_.htm

The story:

No long post today, also. Haha, I just really wanted to share this very interesting piece I read yesterday. I read a few lines from this blog that I have been following since I was in second year college. You can read the entire post by clicking the title: You should date an illiterate girl.

My favorite lines here would be:

The girl who reads has spun out the account of her life and it is bursting with meaning. She insists that her narratives are rich, her supporting cast colorful, and her typeface bold.

HAHA, is there any other way to live your life?

To the fullest it is, then. =)