17/365: first CNU faculty tour

I'm keeping this one brief since I promised myself I will be sleeping early tonight (I can't remember when I slept earlier than 12am since the SY began). I ust wanted to be reminded of today. =)

The shot: Tarsier and me.

The story: This is my fourth time in Bohol. Twice was for a YFC activity and once when I was a reviewer for LET in Powerhouse. Places really just stay the same (more or less) for me but what makes them 'significantly different' are the memories you make in them. Instead of remembering the places I've been to and the things I've done, I decided to make new memories instead. I've been living in the past lately... maybe because I work in my alma mater. Wherever I go, the walls shout of things that have been and I hear whispers of could-have-beens every now and then. This 'exercise' in Bohol was really difficult for me since I was very distracted with a lot of other things as I went along the tour (but that would be for another entry, a longer one. haha) but I would like to think that I was successful because I arrived in Cebu with a greater resolve to keep moving forward.

Well, in essence, I guess what I was really trying to drive at in the beginning of the entry is the fact that this was my first faculty tour in CNU. And I have a thing for celebrating firsts. The first of many, me hopes. Haha! Well, wherever my road takes me, I am surely glad that I made this stop. To be able to share this experience with my college professors is 'memory' enough for me. Iba talaga si Lord. =)

16/365: CYLS 2011

The shot: Group picture of CYLS 2011.

The story: The Ayala Young Leaders Alliance- Cebu Chapter (AYLA-Bai) organized it's second Cebu Young Leaders Summit which was successfully held at CREMDEC last May. I meant to write about it a long time ago but I just never gave in to the urge until now.

We worked for over seven months to finally put this together and when all has been said and done, nothing less is left than that of gratitude. Thank you to all the partners (SK, RAFI and AFI) for being with us all the way. I thank the sponsors, both minor and major, for their assistance that went a long, long way. And most importantly, I am grateful for the presence of the TEAM and of the participants that made the experience very meaningful for me.

As we went home after the event, Chelle and I had a very interesting conversation. She shared how some of the people she knew asked her why she has not "graduated" from organizing events like these. Chelle shared that being with the people in this organization and having events like these help keep her grounded.

I could not help but reflect from these lines she shared. There are times when I ask myself and wonder why I get involved into these kinds of things while many student-leaders-turned-young- professionals let this go and "move on" with their lives. But as soon as these thoughts come to me, I remember the days I spent in Cavite in AYLC. I remember the days and nights I spent working with my org-mates in the different events we spearheaded and worked in. Well, I don't remember all of them. I remember moments. Every time I remember these moments, I get to live them again. Living them again reminds me of why I got myself into these things in the first place.

I want to make a difference.

Yes, it sounds like the statement is lifted from a beauty contest question-and-answer portion but I can't find words more true than these. It was all I really wanted to do. As I started to work on this "difference", I began to see that I was not alone. The desire is shared by many and I began to gain courage. I dreamed bigger dreams for others simply because it was not an individual's dream anymore --- it was a shared dream and it made it more powerful than it ever was. I found myself not only comrades but friends. People who are in a mission too. And then I realized that "this" is not the kind of thing you "graduate" from or "move on" from. I don't judge those who give all their time to their careers or their families. Maybe, "that" is the difference they were meant to make. It is my hope that even if our paths our different, our destination is the same... a brighter and better world and future to leave behind for those who are next in line.

BTW, I'm sharing this too! :)

Our first meeting was around October of 2010 before Chelle was off to cover the local elections and Migs and I just came from school and other school-related tasks (I hope my memory serves me right, haha). It was in Jollibee Guadalupe and to prove that, I have the picture right here.

For the gift of great friends, thank you Father. AMDG! =)

15/365: what if..

The shot: This one is something I took from a tumbler page. Credit goes to this person.

The story: I watched Something Borrowed yesterday and until now, I can't seem to get over it. This happens to me all the time. Movies, koreanovelas, books, a good story.. I get hooked to these things when they trigger a strong emotion in me. For the last three days, I have been stuck at home because I got my wisdom tooth extracted and there's a mandatory (according to my mom) resting period for me. I know that there are a lot of things that I can do and busy myself with like reviewing for the comprehensive exams, thinking of a topic for thesis, preparing for CYLS or for the incoming school year, etc. but there is just something about silence that makes you think. It makes you reflect. And aside from playing Tetris Battle in Facebook (Rank 14, BTW), my days are filled with reflection and movies, movies, movies! (This might be as good as my summer vacation gets so why not treat myself, right? HAHA!)

The other movies just passed me by but something about the last one I saw just kept haunting me today. The story revolves around this girl who never told a guy she liked him and then in the end, she finds out that he's liked her since forever but he just thought she didn't feel that way. The plot is very familiar but I think this crew's got a very good scriptwriter. I take note of lines and many of the lines here are quiet thought-provoking that I end up pausing the streamed (oops) video many times because I felt the need to digest what was just said.

I guess the lesson that I really got out from this movie was not so much as love lost but more of a life left un-lived. Un-lived in the sense that what we have always prayed for stares us right in the face, presents itself to us and then we turn around and walk away because we are haunted by the feeling of being inadequate and a sense of unworthiness. This is the part that haunts me. I look back at the times when I felt that what I have prayed for has finally come but I let it pass me by. Maybe I'm not good enough. Not this time. This can't be for me. Too good to be true. He deserves someone better. --- I never ran out of excuses. And I am haunted by all those times that I felt I have not truly lived. Sure, I might have ended up hurt and disappointed but I am, right now, hurt and disappointed anyway. The irony of life. I can't help but laugh it off at times but this one is a good hit on the head for me.

I have promised to choose to never regret the choices that I make and so with this realization, I decided to resolve that from this day forward, I will exert more effort into living my life. Hey, He died so I can live it. I'm crossing my fingers and I'm hoping that there will be lesser what ifs this time around. <3

14/365: Easter (and Bayani Challenge) Reflections

The shot: 'Barkada Pic" after the Gawad Kalinga Bayani Challenge 2011 at Bantayan Island.

The story: Last April 4-9, 2011, I joined in the GK Bayani Challenge with a group of friends. I wanted to write about the experience as soon as I got back but then I got swept away by "things-to-do" that I ended putting it off till now. Come to think of it, it falls on the perfect occasion... Easter.

It has been months since my bestfriend, Maymay, invited me to the event. I kept saying "maybe" and then "no" and then "maybe" to this invitation because of a million excuses. For those who know her, they can attest that she is someone very persuasive. Her persuasiveness heightened (I believe) because I had too many excuses and thus revealing that I just needed a little push to say "yes". To cut the long story short, I went.

At the beginning, I could not really figure out why I did not say "yes" right away. Maybe it was because I felt that I will not be able to do "much" there. I have this tendency not to go to events where people can't tell me what my role there would be. I just felt that I can be more useful somewhere else. Since I was not part of the organizing team, I ended up like the rest of the volunteers. I got an equal share of work and of rest. In the in-betweens, I found myself asking the question of why I was there. This is the answer I got.

I believe that the Lord brought me there to remind me that I am a human being and not a human doing.

I was not there because the people needed me to be there. I was there because I needed to be there. I needed to be there so I can be reminded that the Lord cares less about how much we have done. What He cares for more would be how much each of us has become. It is not a contest of who can carry a heavier cross. It is not even a question of how long we can sustain nailed upon it like the thieves on His side on Good Friday. It is all about the people we become despite all that we carry. It the decision to be a disciple even if what is happening makes no sense to us at all. God loves us. God loves me. He has given me to others and He has given others to me so we can grow together as His children.

Today, I remember the week I spent in Bantayan. I remember the gift of country, community, best friends, friends and family. I remember the gift of sacrifice, struggle and even death to one's self. I remember God and His son, Jesus. I remember that all the pain of Good Fridays lead us to the joy of Easter Sundays.

Walang Iwanan!

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

13/365: birthday post =)

I turn 22 today. =) But there is so much more than that.

The shot:

Me and my brother during the 2010 fluvial parade.

The story:

Today started out to be a bittersweet day for me. Sweet because I have been blessed with another year added to my life and bitter because my brother is not graduating this year. Something like that is a big thing for me. My brother's success in anything that he gives his effort in means a lot to me.

For the rest of the day, I kept on praying that the Lord walk with me through the day and celebrate it with me. I prayed that He grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I spent the first few minutes of my day in prayer and in thanking those who took the time to greet me. At 9:30 AM, I was in school for the dissemination of my students' grades. After lunch, I went to hear mass. Amazingly, the celebrant is also celebrating his birthday and as the mass ended, everyone in the assembly sang 'happy birthday' which I felt was God's way of singing for me. Sweeeet! <3

My brother texted me that he is attending his classmates' graduation and so I decided to spend the rest of my time reading Leo Buscaglia's book, Loving Each Other. I was in the chapter about forgiveness when my brother joined me for the rest of the afternoon. My conversation with him was no less than inspiring. It wasn't because of his choice of words and nor was it because of his manner of speaking. What made it inspiring is the man that he has chosen to become as reflected in his thoughts. There was no tinge of bitterness or sarcasm in his voice when he spoke about the graduation. There was pride and great love for friends who stood by him and who he stood for for the past four years. He was happy for his friends and in many ways, I felt he has grown a lot wiser.

It has been said many times before and I think it holds true today. There is a purpose for everything. In the remaining hours of my 'birthday', I choose to write about my brother. He is more than the man other people think he is. He is more than what others give him credit for. I am truly proud of him. Thank you for your example, dong.

The 'ate' turns 22 today and has learned that in a heart of love, no room should be rented out to bitterness. That would be such a waste of space.

A happy day indeed. =)

12/365: RAISE hangover

I just got home from the YFC Raise (Praise and Worship) Concert and I spent a few minutes trying to fit what I want to say in 420 words (allowable number of words for an FB status ) but to no avail. I guess this is what they call inspiration. Haha!

The shot:
Of course, the event promotional picture which is actually the gold ticket that I got from the event! :) Got this photo from a tumbler account. I could upload the picture of my ticket but my head is spinning and I need to get to bed ASAP. Haha (excuses, excuses). I just want to get these words out before they escape me. :)

The story:
I was thinking of not going to the event since the person that I was planning to go with was not allowed to leave their house. My reason? I had to check tons of papers. I know. The reason sounds lame but for people who know me, the reason is well, so.. er.. soooo me. Haha. I want to get my work done but I felt the urge to just go. It's been so long since I worshiped with my YFC community so I went. I was late but was still on time for the start of the program. =p

I enter and was shocked to know that I barely know most of the members of the service team (was I away THAT long?). Haha! Then, the first song comes in and I start thinking "uh-oh. I don't know this one.." and the second one begins and still the same, I am not familiar with any of them. (am I THAT old??)

Mishy: Lord, kanta tag song na kamao ko...
Lord: you know all these songs by heart... you just stopped singing.
Mishy: (laughs to self) (pauses) (smiles to self) (continues singing)

True enough, I know one or two of the entire two-hour song list but I managed to sing together with the others because the lyrics were in display and because the tune was not very complicated. But I think, this is because in a worship, it's never just about the music or the songs but it's about the Lord of the music and the songs... and when you sing to a person who just loves you unconditionally, you can never go wrong. =)

Later on, sharings started coming in and it felt like I never left. This was so YFC. I knew I made the right choice of coming because I needed a reminder... for many things but mostly for the fact that what I do is for the Lord and regardless if I am tired, weary, sick or happy, I just lift it up to Him because all of it is HIS. Have Your Way and All for You are my major, major songs for the night.

I am terribly stressed thinking of the papers to be checked, grades to be computed and many other tasks that had deadlines painted all over them. However, in reflection, I am stressed not because of what I have to do but because I have forgotten that I am not about what I do but what I am becoming because of what I do. I am, after all, not a human doing but a human being. Tonight reminded me that what I do does not define me. I do what I do because of who I am and I am God's servant, called by name and anointed. If the all-powerful God believes that I can do this, then who I am to let doubt and shame overcome my confidence that each step I take and each day I live is taking me closer to the woman that God dreams of me to become?

I looked around the venue and memories came rushing in. The concert was held in the same place where I realized that I had feelings for a friend. I laughed and told the Lord that He was teasing me again. I felt Him smile at me and at that same moment, we were singing the line, "my hear belongs to you...Jesus". And at that, He asked me: "Can I have it back, anak?" I couldn't fight back the tears. How could I have placed him before Him? I'm glad that God is a jealous God (because He wants me back. yey!!!) but that He is not an envy God for He waited for me to come back. God waits... for me. I complain that I have been waiting and waiting and waiting. But I have never heard God complain about how I keep Him waiting because of the most trivial things.

God waits. God is true love. True love waits.

Moreover, I want to learn how to love like God. As Kuya Sharry would put it, nothing less than God is love because God IS love. So with that, I handed it back to HIM. I can wait. Really, I can. :)

Needless to say, I brought home more than a 'golden ticket' and a stamped arm. I am tired but I feel like I am ready for anything this week is going to throw at me. Haha, what a night! Wohoo! See what I mean? How do you put all of these in 420 words? Oh com'on!

I have to sleep already. But before that, I want to say I LOVE JESUS and May GOD be praised forever! =)

11/365: hey there, bright side!

The story:

For the past few days, I have not been feeling well. Fever is just around the corner waiting for the next day that sleep proves to be scarce again. Not only that, a lot of mixed emotions about a lot of things have been bothering me. Today, I did not feel like going to school and I did not want to work on anything listed down on my "to-do" list but decided against the feelings anyway.

As I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep. But as soon as I entered the door, my mama told me it's my inaanak's birthday (and I forgot to buy a present) and we were invited to eat dinner at their house. My inaanak is the daughter of my closest friend in our neighborhood. Both of them have a very special place in my heart. Dinner at their house reminded me why I chose to wait for the right time and the right person instead of just hopping on with the trend of textmates and blind dates that parade society today. I'd rather be single than be an unfit wife and an irresponsible mother. I never understood what my friend saw in that guy who happened to be her child's father. She didn't deserve him. I wish she was with someone better...someone who would treat her better...someone who would strive to be better for her and for their child. I am in no position to make judgments because I have my own share of imperfections too. I just pray that he grows up soon enough to see that life has given him a family worth striving for. I felt sad for him for I felt that he didn't see the great blessings he has right in front of him.

At the same time, I felt a little sad for myself too. Like him, I have been acting ungrateful. I have been overlooking the wonderful blessings the Lord has graciously filled my life despite my shortcomings. True enough, God is never late for that needed reminder.

As soon as I got home, I received news that my cousin, Jae, just passed the December 2010 Nursing Licensure Exam! Wohoo! We've got an RN in the family and it felt so great! In reflection though, I think it'd be greater if it didn't take the board exam results for me to remember that God is good all the time.. and that His plans are ALWAYS better than that of our own. Thank you, Father. <3

P.S. And I hope it's not too late... Happy Valentine's Day, world! =)

P.S. 2: The shot:http://marinshe.deviantart.com/art/The-Bright-Side-of-Life-118961703