I wanted to hope that things would end up differently and took a chance. As it turns out, I was rejected for the nth time. TSK. In the words of a friend, EPIC FAIL. Haha. I am forcing a laugh as I write this down. The irony of keeping a blog is I allow others to read through my thoughts and I make my life public to some of those who are actually interested to know and yet, I am trying to write this entry to make sure that the person that has rejected me won't know that he/she is the person I am referring to (just in case he/she gets to read/hear about this insane revelation). Hay. This entry is sounding more and more confusing. But I don't care. I have to let this out. So, here it goes.
Sembreak is supposed to be a break to allow yourself to sit back, relax and see your life in another perspective which you don't usually get to do during the busy days of class. For me, this is the purpose of sembreak. For the first time in a very loooooong time, I have nothing urgent to do. I decided to lie in my bed a little longer and think... and I realized that there was one thing that I know that would make me happy which I was not pursuing anymore. By "not pursuing", I mean waiting for it to come my way without really making an effort to help make it happen. A new-found-friend told me that I should do something about it. Against my pride, I took that risk again to help 'make it happen'.
I ended up getting my worst fears confirmed. Argh. It's not going to happen. Not in the way I wanted it to. Not in the way I hoped it would. The sad thing is that this has left me thinking that it's not going to happen because I don't deserve it. Maybe, I don't. My anak said I deserve something better. Hay... that was suppose to make me feel better but I am not going to feel any better anytime soon. In that case, I'm glad it's sembreak. Haha. When it's sembreak, it's not only the sem that gets broken, noh?
