Blast from the Past

I was cleaning up my laptop files when I saw a document entitled 'Prayers' which I don't remember writing. I read it and realized how God has answered this prayer even if I already forgot that I once uttered it. I wrote this on November 15, 2009 on one of those days when I felt I had enough. For the record though, I loved my previous employer and I took nothing but good memories and wonderful lessons learned from the year that I spent there. This just reminded me that God listens. He does. All the time. =)

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I have so much to be thankful for. I have love in my life. The love that others seek in a family, I have in much abundance. I have wonderful friends. I have lifelong friends. I know that I am not alone. I can run to people when I am in need. That alone shows that there is indeed to be thankful for.
But right now, I feel very tired. Very tired. I feel my heart can no longer forgive. My hands can no longer care. My being can no longer teach.
I want to quit. I don’t want this life. I want to be free to be with those whom I love. I want to have time to be of service to God and my community. Teaching is passion. Teaching is love. Teaching is growth. Teaching is what I have always wanted to do in life. But right now, teaching is far from that which I imagined it to be. My body is stressed. My heart is pressured. My mind is far beyond its perceived limits. I am grateful. I am. But I want to rest. I want to be able to spend my time for the things that would truly matter.
Lord, grant me the grace to love that which is so difficult to love. May you grant me the love required to move mountains. Grant me strength even just for another day. Grant me Oh Lord, the heart of service by which you are glorified in. I am forever unworthy. But, you love me Lord.  You love me like no other. It is in that love that I cling to. It is in that love that I continue to hope in. That tomorrow just might be better than yesterday.
If You will, You can Lord. May I see your glory. May it shine so brightly in my life. May it be reflected greatly in Your works through me. This, I ask and I pray through Jesus, Your Son and with the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Amen.

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#AMDG

Forever or never

This is one of those posts that I did not plan to write but end up writing. I just got home from Tuburan after bonding with my mama's side of the family and ended up looking through my emails and facebook updates. I had a bit of time left so I went through my favorite blogs and websites just to check if there was anything new. One of my favorite things to do when I have free time is watch wedding SDEs. My favorite wedding videographer is no less than Jason Magbanua. I go to his site every now and then to watch his videos and more often than not, I find myself crying over them. Yes, one of my favorite leisure time activities involves crying. :p

Kidding aside, I went to his site and saw that no new video has been added so I watched two of my many favorite videos again just for the 'fun' of it. And yes, I ended up crying again. You see, I am a big believer of 'forever' and 'till death do us part. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, the beauty of a wedding with family and friends gathered together and the miracle of love. I always pray for those things to come to me. In my twenty three years (and counting) of waiting for 'the one', I have often been tempted to settle... settle for short-term kilig-kiligs and MUs that some people may call 'harmless'. But, I thank God for giving me the grace to choose to wait. It has been very difficult and I have judged for myself that I have not been doing a good job at it as of late but I am still struggling and walking that road.

I think we get into those kind of relationships with the knowledge that you two are trying to see if you were built for marriage (feel free to blame Joshua Harris for this idea). In my moments of weakness, I watch wedding videos. Hahaha! And I say to myself, 'That's the kind of love I am waiting for!'. And in the deepest corner of my heart, a voice whispers that THAT is the kind of love I deserve. I think we all deserve that kind of love. The kind that makes you feel that you will always have a place to run home to when the rest of the world just feels like it's falling apart. The kind that brings out the best in you. I could go on and on but really, I just think we deserve to be loved the way Jesus loves us.

So, the waiting continues. I will do what I can and be the best person I can be while I am at it. I am truly hopeful that when he comes, I will be ready to meet him and that we will be ready for the journey to forever. =)

Community

I just got home from the CFC-SFC Talk Four and saw my facebook home page filled with links to the ongoing CFC-YFC International Leaders Conference happening now in Aklan. I miss going to ILCs and worshiping with the entire group. But I know in my heart that I will always be part of YFC and YFC will always be a part of me. =) I watched the recorded opening worship for the night and felt I just had to share it. The song "Have Your Way" struck me the most. More on that in another post. =)

Thank you Lord for your unfailing love despite my unfaithfulness. You are LOVE, Almighty! <3

say it all now

23/365: Twenty-three!

The shot: Science High AL Building Corridor!

The story: I just turned twenty-three! Wow, I was planning to write this realllyyy long post today but I feel like I don't have enough strength do it. I posted this shot to say that I was able to visit SciHi a while ago and it felt soooo good! Wish I had my friends with me, though. Nothing is perfect but God's design is always for the best.

I'm keeping this short by saying that the year that I was twenty-two was a year of pruning. I truly feel that I am being made into a better person through the trials that have come my way. =)

I am so grateful to God for taking me this far in my journey. Thank you Lord for the year that was and the year that is to come. May you never cease in blessing my decisions so that they may be in line with Your plans for me.

Your pasaway daughter who You love without bounds,

Mishy <3

22/365: Bucket List (25 on 25)

The shot: The title. Haha!

The story: I noticed that the previous post was my 21st post and tomorrow is going to be my 23th birthday. SO, I decided to write another one on the same day to make up for lost time and to make my 23rd post 'significant'. HAHA! Okay, I've been inspired by a LOT of people to make a bucket list. My bestfriend, Maymay and one of my favorite bloggers, Anna Oposa are two of these people who have bucket lists of their own in their blogs.

In a way, I've been making bucket lists all my life but I change my mind (and heart) so many times that I never got to make a 100-item bucket list. Taking a leaf from Anna Oposa's blog, I'm going to settle with a 25-item bucket list muna. I'm sharing this to add pressure to myself. Haha, not really. I don't think I can get more pressured than I already am (*winks). Hahahaha! I'm sharing this so the universe may conspire to make all these things come true! Weee!!! Just thinking about these things make me excited! So, here it goes..

25 Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 25:

1. Finish my thesis and get a master's degree
2. Get a scholarship abroad for a second master's degree (hopefully on an area more relevant to my job right now) or a PhD (?)
3. Go to UP Diliman
4. Go to the AYLC Reunion (15th year)
5. Establishing a partnership with RAFI to have KAC for the college student leaders
6. Win in a Sunlife Contest Month
7. Eat in a Korean Restaurant
8. Bring my family to a trip outside the country
9. Learn a new language (Korean? Mandarin? French? Spanish?)
10. Write a book (on the Teaching of Mathematics or a novel)
11. Get one of my researches published in an international journal
12. Institutionalize the honoring of board exam passers with or without topnotchers
13. Learn to cook at least one fish, pork, chicken, beef and vegetable (!?!) dish
14. Watch another play
15. Volunteer in the Bayani Challenge 2012
16. Join a SFC-CLP
17. Buy a lighter laptop
18. Initiate a Career Path Seminar for the graduating students
19. Get a new hairstyle
20. Watch the sun set and rise in Mountainview
21. Go on a (romantic) date
22. Visit my high school
23. Finish all my blog challenges
24. Go on another trip outside Cebu (to a Philippine destination I've never to so far)
25. Enroll in a creative writing class

I'm not even going to explain WHY I want to accomplish each one. I'm thinking maybe I can write a post for every single item there that I get to achieve. Hehe. What I know is that it never hurts to have a plan. Most importantly, it is always good to recognize that each of us has the right to dream. Dream BIG dreams. We have, after all, a BIG GOD! =)

21/365: The Hunger Games

The shot: The cover of the trilogy's first book.

The story: I've been reading many FB statuses about the Hunger Games. I did not pay much attention to it until a lot of people started comparing it to Twilight and Harry Potter. I'm not a Twilight fan. Never was and I guess, never will be. I hope they don't get me wrong though. It's not the book really... it's just me. Haha! What got my attention was when people started comparing it to HARRY POTTER! My reaction was 'AS IN?! Harry Potter level?'. Yes, you guessed it right. I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan!

So, to cut the long story short. I downloaded the audio book for the first one. I was a skeptic at first. I was sure I would not like it since I doubt any other fiction book could knock HP out of my favorite list (as if I have one, haha!) but to my surprise... I got hooked. When I say I got hooked, some might think it's the I-spend-my-every-free-time-reading-this-book kind of hooked but for those who know me and how 'obsessed' I can get, they know it's the I-spend-all-of-my-time-reading-this-book kind of hooked. Correction though, listening, not reading. I found myself listening to all three books such that I could judge my week as unproductive. You read it right, I finished all three books in less than a week and this was a school-year-end-week! Imagine this from a teacher's point of view. Haha! In my defense, I met all my deadlines. :p

I was itching to write a post about the book but I didn't really know what to say. Until now. Haha, so I'm letting the words flow as I type. The weird thing is, I cried after I read the book. The reason was not really the story itself but it's effect on me. No, I have not joined any reality contest where I'm tasked to kill all other contestants except the boy who claims he's madly in love with me. That's the thing, I guess. I can't put a finger on why it has affected me that much. I had to wrestle with my thoughts for a while and I think there is really no ONE reason. I was affected at how practical the main character is. If you've read the book, you'd know what I mean. She chose the one who she can't survive without. See that? Can't it not be the one who makes the world stop turning with a smile? Or the guy who makes living worth all the suffering? LOL! Okay, stop it Michelle! I've had practicality issues recently but that's for another post. My heart broke for Peeta because I know how it feels... Hehe, okay. The drama stops right here. :p

This post can go on and on and on but it won't. :) I just want to remember the time I read the Hunger Games that's why I wrote this. Maybe just to remind myself that though life can seemingly give you the 'best', you should never stop discovering the rest of the beauty that God has surrounded you with. Thus, the HP-HG metaphor. Hehe! Through this trilogy, I have reawakened my love for reading. It takes you to another world and another life. It shows you the choices you could have, should have or would have made. It reveals to you some parts of your heart and soul that has been 'damaged', 'worn-out' or just plain set aside by the safety of everyday routine and day-to-day heartbreaks and failures. When I figure out what sets this trilogy apart, I'm going to write another post. PROMISE. =)

For now, I just want to leave you with one of my favorite lines which is a boy-girl conversation. I will not spoil the ending for you just in case my post got you intrigued enough to read it for yourself. The boy is going to be... Voldemort. He who must not be named. Haha, so the dialogue goes like this:

Boy: You love me. Real or not real?

Girl: Real.

20/365: Mapet's Wedding

The shot: Me with the bride (Photo taken from my phone)

The story: We went to Bohol today to attend Mapet's wedding. Mapet is one of my closest college friends.

My schedule went something like this:

March 9, 2012

10:15 PM - Ship left the pier. Cebu-Tagbilaran trip began

11:00 PM - Slept despite the urge to watch City Hunter over the TV set near my bed

March 10, 2012

3:00 AM - Arrived at the Tagbilaran Port. I woke up to make chika. Haha, where should we be at three in the morning?!

4:00 AM- Went down the ship to see Mapet who was there with her husband-to-be fetching a LOT of people (including us)

4:30 AM- Took a bath (against my will, LOL) because the bride insisted we have to start getting ready (thank goodness, she did)

5:30 AM- Went to Jollibee to get breakfast. They open at 6 AM but they allowed us to get inside and wait for the time

6:30 AM - Finished breakfast and went back to the hotel to prepare

8:30 AM- Finished with the hair-and-make-up thing + gown repairs (It's a hassle to be a girl sometimes but I have to admit I enjoyed it. Haha!)

9:15 AM- Wedding started, Mapet walked down the aisle to 'Ikaw'. She cried. I cried. We cried. Haha, we are a bunch of drama queens after all.

12:00 NN - Reception began

2:00 PM- Reception ended and we were back at the hotel to fix our things and be ready to leave

2:30 PM- Went around Island City Mall with my friends and I ended drinking a mocha frappe(!?!) from a store named V.I.P. It should be noted that I will not buy that drink again. Hehe.

4:30 PM- I was happily seated in Oceanjet and was on my way back to Cebu

6:45 PM- In SM to buy some things I needed

7:30 PM- In J Centre to buy the blank CDs that my mother needed

8:00 PM- Home sweet home

It was quiet a stressful experience. Even if I was not the bride, I could feel the anxiety, pressure, excitement and ka-warlahan building up as the hour draw near. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful wedding. As I told a good friend of mine, Charlie, I needed that wedding. So to end, I think I will leave you with my FB status (because I am lazy that way, haha!):

My friends' weddings always make me cry. I've witnessed how a lot of people have broken their hearts and yet they still have not stopped believing that what they seek is not just in fairy tales or chick flicks. Yes, marriages are not perfect and weddings do not always conform with the world's concept of 'ideal'. However, it is in these imperfections that we truly see the beauty of life, the miracle of mercy, the strength of His grace and the power of love. Thank you Myrva for reminding me about all of these. I wish you and Roel... happiness.

P.S. During the reception when you asked me to speak and the emcee introduced me as your 'best friend', my heart skipped a beat and hapit ko nihilak balik. Haha! I will forever treasure our friendship. I love you. =)

speech

A.K.A. a post requested by my bestfriend Maymay. =)

From time to time, people ask me to deliver speeches, pep talks and/or inspirational messages. You can call them anything you want, actually. Haha! Well, according to my mother, my speeches are inspiring. I suggest you don't argue with my mother. :p

Okay, I'm sharing this one speech which will be read (sadly) by someone else on my behalf this coming Saturday in front of our second batch of LET reviewees. Where will I be on Satuday, you ask? I will be in Bohol bridesmaiding in a close friend's wedding. For the first time. =)

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Dr. Marcelo T. Lopez, SUC President III, Dr. Filomena T. Dayagbil, Dean of the College of Teacher Education, members of the university faculty and administration, reviewees and guests, good morning.

When I was asked to write a message for you, our second batch of reviewees, I was told that my message is for the purpose of inspiring you to give your utmost effort in the months ahead for your review and achieve the best results in the upcoming Licensure Examination for Teachers. In the process of coming up with this message, I can’t help but reminisce what happened on the day I took my board exam.

As a usual practice in our home, my entire family gathered to pray over me. I will never forget my mother’s words when she said: “Itugot Lord na si Michelle Mae Olvido mu-top sa board exam.. mu-top one.” Horrified, I looked at my mother. With a laugh, she finished, “Pero ug unsa may Imong gusto, Imong pagbuot ang mutuman.” Fast forward to November 16, 2009, I received the news that I placed third. By the way, November 16 is my mother’s birthday.

I guess the point that I am trying to drive at is this: reviewing for the board exam is a journey – a very challenging journey BUT it is a journey that you will not take alone. You have family and friends who will walk with you and pray with you all the way. When it becomes very tough, ALWAYS REMEMBER WHAT you are doing it for and FOR WHOM you are doing it. I quote an organization called EO Alchemy when I say:

“We’ve been led to believe that success is bestowed upon the lucky few. We’ve been led to believe that finding our way is about being granted access. But in reality, it is really not about fortune smiling upon you but asking yourself… how hard are you willing to work for your dreams?”

My challenge for you is not to answer this question through your words but through your unceasing effort in the months to come. Let us see your answer through your actions. Let us see your answer through the September 2012 LET Exam results.

You may ask, why do we want you to pass and top the board exam?

You ought to know that when they say ‘Cebu Normal University’, when they say ‘College of Teacher Education’, when they say ‘the first and only level IV AACCUP accredited university’, when they say ‘Teacher Education Excellence, when they say ‘From good to great’… you ought to know that they are talking about you, our dear students. You are CTE’s excellence. You are CNU’s greatness.

You can count on us to walk and pray with you. I hope that we, too, can count on you… to make us proud. God bless you all!

_________

AMDG

my happy song

Ash Wednesday

19/365: GK!

Yesterday, mom asked me to buy Downy Isang Banlaw and it did not come in the size we wanted in Ayala, I went to Country Mall. Guess what welcomed me to the grocery section?

The shot: Human<3Nature products! GK! GK! GK!

The story: My bestfriend, Maymay, went home last week to surprise her dad, Tito Rey for his 50th birthday. We were not able to meet up but seeing this (actually, seeing GK-related stuff) immediately reminds me of her. This also reminded me of the upcoming Bayani Challenge this summer! YEY! Hopefully, I can bring my college friends with me by then. AND, the fun run I will joining this coming March for GK. To my readers (Hi, May! HAHA!), you might want to consider joining this. =)

For God and for country!

18/365: the revival

The title almost says it all. I'm reviving this challenge so I get to finish what I start. (winks)

The shot: Found this tarpaulin outside one of Ayala's cinemas yesterday. I think it's linked to a church or a religious organization.

The story: The school year is about to end (Hi, March!) and I've been senti lately about my students leaving school this year. To say that SY 2011-2012 has been a challenge is an understatement. I won't go around telling you now what the highlights of my year have been because that is for a different post but I think the lines in this tarpaulin reminds me of the what-could-haves-that-have-not-been. Believe me, I did one of the craziest things I've ever done in my life this school year. Haha, ironically, it's not school-related. Why the heck did I start this post with the 'school year ending' theme? LOL. Sorry, part of being a teacher I guess. I measure my years in academic years. HAHA! Going back, I really thought that doing what I did would change things for the better but it seems that I found myself in more uncertainty than before I did it. (All this secrecy is making my post really confusing. But, I'm not ready to put into words what I just did. Well, not yet anyway. :p)

I just want to post this small reminder for me that it's time to really let it go (for the NTH time!) and look at all the possibilities this year has in store. But wait, there's more! The last two lines states "Be equipped and finish strong". So let's do this, Michelle! Time to equip ourself (?!?) so we can finally have that dream-come-true. Am I ready, Lord? For this?! Well, when it comes.. then that must be the answer to my prayer. =)

blog edits

My blog's got a new "feel" to it. When we talk about scribbles (which is like the name of my blog),I imagine something like that of the current background. =) BUT, I have also added something extra special so that I would be inspired to write more. LOL. Okay, here it is...

Picture fail? Haha!

Somebody's got categories now! Wee.. feeling like a more 'professional blogger' at that. Anyway, this is inspired by my bestfriend, Maymay. I forgot what she said about 'categories' though but she was the first one who told me about it. (Hey, if you are reading this, you did not reply to my text! Hmph! Till when are you in Cebu?)

So, I think that's all there is to this post now. Haha! I am very sleepy so I did not edit all my previous labels. I just chose a few to start the ball rolling. Here's to changing for the better! Cheers!

one and only

You've been on my mind

I grow fonder every day,

Lose myself in time

Just thinking of your face

God only knows

Why it's taken me so long

To let my doubts go

You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,

You never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind

You hang on every word I say

Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name

Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?

And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,

You'll never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

Come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts.

unexpected gratitude

I thought today was going to be one of those uneventful Saturdays I have been having lately. But, everything that transpired today was... unexpected.

I wanted to start my day checking my fourth year students' papers but I ended up waking up late and watching American Idol Season 11 episodes. Because I was so caught up with the show that I, again, came late to my unit meeting with THE manager, Kuya Og. I thought it was going to be one of those meetings where I'd sit and just absorb what will be said but I ended up energized to start setting up appointments for my prospects. Parang seeing the light at the end of the dark tunnel ang peg. Hehe =)

After my four-hour meeting, I was off to confession which I thought I was going to alone but lo, and behold! God gave me a friend to be with and so I had a lot of fun catching up with Djong2x while waiting for my turn. Since I go to confession at Sto. Rosario, I expected a relatively "quick" talk with the priest but I was part of the eight people who were brought to another room to be with another priest. My confession took longer than I expected and it was.. I should say, "more" than what I thought it would be but it was definitely what I needed. Even my penance was unexpected since the priest asked me to talk to one of two priests he recommended.

To end my day, I went to get a pedicure (LOL) to reward myself of all the hard work I have been putting up with for the past few weeks and I ended up having a quick chat with one of my favorite people in the world, Mommy Irish! On my way home via Ayala, I accidentally met up with three of my SciHi YFC-GK friends, Lyn2, Totot and Earl and they handed me this "Thank You" card from Gawad Kalinga-Cebu which they made for all those who helped out in the Christmas Party they organized.

Inside note =)

Personalized. Awwww <3

I think it was one of those days when I say to myself "What just happened?". LOL. Haha! I did not have a plan and my checklist for the day is left untouched but I am truly, truly grateful for how today turned out. So, to complete the "unexpectedness" of today's events, I decided to blog. Haha! Just because. =)

Thank you Lord for the blessing of today and for the gift of spontaneity! =)

a night to remember

This week has been a week of answered prayers.

A few days back, I was complaining to God about how I always end up organizing get-togethers when deep inside, I've always wanted people to organize bonding activities and then invite me. Not long after that complaint, a friend invited me to dinner and tonight, I went to watch a play with another friend.
We watched Les Miserables tonight. There were some problems with the sound system but these glitches were easily forgiven since I really enjoyed the play. I cried in some parts especially the finale song with Jean Valjean and Fantine.

However, my night just did not end there.

Some of the cast members went to fetch this woman from the audience and asked her to sit on a bench on the stage after the curtain call. She looked puzzled and amused as she sat there. While I am sure that she was not a stranger to the cast members, I did not really understood what she was doing there. A few moments later, her boyfriend went up the stage, showed the ring he was carrying, knelt on one knee and popped the big question.

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I started crying like crazy. Feeling naku na ako ang giproposan. LOL. What made me cry more was that the girl on stage was crying, too. It was truly an epic night. It reinforced my belief that true-to-life love stories still outweigh every fairy tale that was ever written.

February's knocking on my door and I am tempted to be bitter again. Haha. But maybe, I am passing on bitterness this year. Here's to gratitude, instead! Truly, truly grateful that God has given me the grace to wait. I am going to sit on this bench of singleness looking amazed and puzzled until the Director finally gives the cue and makes The One finally show up on stage. Padungog-dungog epeks to Father God. Toinks. :p

And with that, I thank my EPIC God for this EPIC experience. May God be praised! =)

what drives you?

"Whatever you want, chase after it with everything that you have. Not because of the fame or the fortune but solely because that's what you believe in, because that's what makes your heart sing.. that's what your dance is." ~Natalie Warne