seven years

Today, I celebrate my seventh year as a YFC. It has been seven years since my Youth Camp in Science High. Seven years since I started this journey with the Lord. Seven years of ups and downs. Seven years of mercy and grace. Seven years of love.

I got out of bed at past nine in the morning, ate breakfast and finished an invitation I was asked to put together. After lunch, I prepared for a talk which I will give to a group of fresh youth camp graduates for their covenant orientation. After my talk at Basak, I went to withdraw some money for my mom, bought discounted bread at SM French Baker, got home and prepared for my classes for the week.

As I try to end my day, I look back at today and see that nothing I've done is really out-of-this-world. It could have been just another Monday. I ended up asking myself the question, where has seven years taken me? I am not proud of the fact that I still sin and for a moment there, I think I have not really changed at all. But somewhere deep in my mind, a tiny voice is whispering that I should stop looking at my life as something that centers on me. Ako, ako.. lagi nalang ako, as a famous commercial would say. I think my self-centeredness is the cause of my depression... but that would be another issue. :)

If it's not about me, then who is it about anyway? Hehe, it is and always will be about God.

I changed the question. Where has God been through me in the past seven years? Ah.. I can't help but smile. The Lord has truly been gracious and merciful to me. He has done great things in my life... things I will never deserve. And for that, I am grateful. The Lord has been faithful despite my unfaithfulness to Him. Forgive me and thank You, Father.

Today is not like any other Monday. Today is the Lord's Monday with me remembering our seven-year journey since I consciously made the decision to walk with Him. It may not be about me but because it is about Him, He reminds me that He is all about His love for me. I am His daughter and His plans will always be FOR me and never against me even if I don't understand them. Life has never been the same and I guess... it shall never be.

For teaching me faithfulness by example, thank You, Rabboni.

sembreak

Today is not a very good day.

I wanted to hope that things would end up differently and took a chance. As it turns out, I was rejected for the nth time. TSK. In the words of a friend, EPIC FAIL. Haha. I am forcing a laugh as I write this down. The irony of keeping a blog is I allow others to read through my thoughts and I make my life public to some of those who are actually interested to know and yet, I am trying to write this entry to make sure that the person that has rejected me won't know that he/she is the person I am referring to (just in case he/she gets to read/hear about this insane revelation). Hay. This entry is sounding more and more confusing. But I don't care. I have to let this out. So, here it goes.

Sembreak is supposed to be a break to allow yourself to sit back, relax and see your life in another perspective which you don't usually get to do during the busy days of class. For me, this is the purpose of sembreak. For the first time in a very loooooong time, I have nothing urgent to do. I decided to lie in my bed a little longer and think... and I realized that there was one thing that I know that would make me happy which I was not pursuing anymore. By "not pursuing", I mean waiting for it to come my way without really making an effort to help make it happen. A new-found-friend told me that I should do something about it. Against my pride, I took that risk again to help 'make it happen'.

I ended up getting my worst fears confirmed. Argh. It's not going to happen. Not in the way I wanted it to. Not in the way I hoped it would. The sad thing is that this has left me thinking that it's not going to happen because I don't deserve it. Maybe, I don't. My anak said I deserve something better. Hay... that was suppose to make me feel better but I am not going to feel any better anytime soon. In that case, I'm glad it's sembreak. Haha. When it's sembreak, it's not only the sem that gets broken, noh?

a letter

Dear you,

Can you come now and hold my hand?

Love, me.

are you a deaf frog?

My brother shared a funny incident during his review for the NLE.

Their speaker told them a story about a contest among frogs. The goal was to reach the top of a very tall tower. The tower was quite tall and many of frogs started giving up as they tried to reach the very top. The audience did not help much. Seeing how tall the tower is, they shouted at the contestants that the feat is impossible and it'd be so much better if they gave up now. After quite some time, the race was over and one frog stood on top. Victorious.

Bryan: Why do you think did he get there?

Michelle: He's deaf?

Bryan: Right.

But the story doesn't end there. My brother happens to be "half-deaf". Sorry for the term but what I'm trying to say is he can only hear with one of his ears. Don't ask me which one because I get it mixed up all the time. (Peace, Yan!)

So, to continue on with the story, my brother was shocked that many kept looking and laughing at his direction. He was not really listening to the speaker (according to him) and did not get the ending the story. He only heard the speaker say, "the frog was duck" and could not see the powerpoint presentation from where he was sitting. He began defending himself by saying, "What?! I'm not a duck!".

LOL (My mama and I laughed too. :D)

Then again, the story does not end there. The speaker continued by saying that the essence of the story or the point he was trying to drive at was that the victorious (and apparently, deaf) frog is a metaphor for a board exam topnotcher who took the challenge despite the odds and did not listen to those who said that emerging on top was impossible. I told my brother then that the joke was now upon those who laughed at him. :)

He begged me not to make the story my FB status and so I obliged. He never told me not to blog about it though. HAHA! :D

Deaf frog or duck frog? My brother's made his choice. What's yours?

keep moving forward

The past few weeks have been terrible for me. For various reasons, I found myself stressed and worried. When family, work, and that-other-thing-which-i-keep-praying-for just did not seem to give me a break, I had to break down and cry. Only a few people have ever seen me cry and nobody has ever seen me break down and cry. I don't break down. Not in front of other people, that is. This is one moment that I hide from everyone else --- except for He who sees it all. The thing is, He doesn't just stand and watch... He is there to make sure I see it through. I had the urge to write about it but I promised myself never to write down any depressing entries. So, I had to let it pass.

Today, I went to confession, cried a little more and moved on. My mother's words ring in my head. She said that I can't stop living my life because other people decided that they'd spend their lives wearing down mine. I have to keep moving forward. And today, I think I just did.

I did not want to go to work which is weird because I am absolutely enjoying and loving my work. When I got to school, I was a few minutes late for class but still early for the Bundy clock. I was not feeling well. My clogged nose reflected my the state of my clogged heart. Nevertheless, I wore the best smile I could muster and taught. After the first subject, I felt more alive. There I was. Doing what I loved. How many people wake up each day and get to say that? Haha, I checked lesson plans, facilitated activities and laughed with my students. At the end of the day, I felt so much better.

I'd never run out of troubles. Who does? I wasn't planning on writing an entry today but I read through this entry from Bro. Bo's blog and wrote anyway. I have to feed my passion. My wounds will feed my dreams...God's dreams. One day, I'll read this entry, remember how I felt and be thankful to the Lord that I took a step forward. One more scribble. One more step.

AMDG!

reflections of a teacher

I just came from the First National Teacher Education Research Congress held at City Sports Club, Cebu City and sponsored by Cebu Normal University in coordination with the Commission on Higher Education. It was attended by almost two hundred educators from around the country. It is the first of its kind specifically because it is designed for teacher education researches. The role I played was pretty minor since I was part of the invitation and technical committee. But, I was given the chance to talk to all the VIPs because I was going to assist them in their powerpoint presentations.

Dr. Carolina C. Porio requested for a pointer for her presentation, Dr. Paz I. Lucido oriented me on how we are to go about her slides, Dr. Purita P. Bilbao came in to check with me if her presentation was ready and Dr. Brenda B. Corpuz asked for my assistance. The list could go on and on as there were guests from all over the country. To many, these names would not ring a bell but when you are in the field of education --- in the field of teacher education to be more specific, these people are considered to be pillars. I only know them as authors of my education books but for the last two days, I was able to interact with them as if I was just another colleague. I was amazed by their humility and humbled by their greatness. I say they are great not because of the distinctions that they have received all throughout the years but because during their presentations, you can really hear and feel the conviction they have to help alleviate the depressing condition of education in the country through the various key roles that they were privileged to hold in teacher education organizations. For a moment, I felt the urge to go up to them and ask for their autograph and also ask them to pose in a picture with me. Then, Dr. Cabalquinto called my attention and asked my opinion about a speech she was preparing.

It was then when it hit me. The greatest teachers in my life are not they whom I have met in the congress but they are they who have walked with me through my journey as a child, student and teacher. I am not saying that the other teachers are less than those whom I am referring to. All I am saying is that, conviction for quality education was something I always felt from my teachers. My greatest teachers are not only those who taught me about education but also about life.

If I were to pose with "celebrities", I'd pose with my mother who has taught me everything I know about enduring love and the value of hard work. I'd pose with my Auntie Amay who inspired in me the love for the teaching profession and instilled in me the essence of professionalism and love of one's vocation. I'd pose with Ms. Aguiman, Dr. Destura, Ms. Gonzalez and my other elementary teachers who saw potential in a child who fails in prompt requirement submissions. I'd pose with Mr. Bacalso, Mrs. Otero, Ms. Torreon, Mrs. Canono and my high school teachers who ventured with me in other fields other than the academe. I'd pose with Dr. Cabalquinto, Dr. Dayagbil, Mr. Corales, Dr. Abao, Ms. Gacasan, Mrs. Lopez and my other college instructors and professors who taught me much of what I know about education.

I'd pose with the Lord when I get to His throne someday because I may be one of those who are most difficult to teach but He has never given up me.

Today is one day truly well spent. I am exhausted and feeling rather unwell but my heart is full and my passion for teaching burns bright.

To all my teachers, thank you. <3

random thoughts

I spent most of the day packing our things and getting ready for the long-awaited trip home. We realized that we were planning to bring more than the allowable weight allocated for each traveler and so the other things need to be shipped in a package. It is scheduled to arrive a few weeks after. The task was very tiring but in the end, the experience has allowed me to reflect on certain things.

First, I realized that a balikbayan box contain more than just material things. It is love and I believe, "I miss yous" left unspoken. With two aunts living abroad for quite some time now, I have gotten used to opening these boxes and receiving the gifts they contain to the point that it seemed part of an annual family routine that everyone participates in. Seeing my Auntie Catel pack this box made me realize that it is not easy to fit all those things inside a box. It entails a certain technique as she would say. One has to make sure that no space is left empty and that requires a lot of arranging and rearranging. It also entails checking and rechecking that all the nephews and nieces actually get something, no matter how small it may seem. I am reminded to be more grateful and to express that gratitude more sincerely than I used to. She may not admit it but I know she misses us, her family in the Philippines, and wish at times that she would be there to give it personally.

Secondly, I learned that there is always a price to pay for excess baggage. I see that it is but wise that we travel light at all times whether in trips or in life itself. As I look back in the school year that was and look forward for the school year that will be, I ask myself if I am ready.I feel my shoulders drop at some point and a weary sigh follows not long after. Sometimes, it is the very price you pray for bringing along so much.. too much.

Lastly, I have come to reflect that I have made plans all my life but Life has constantly revealed other plans for me. These plans involve not only great joys and successes but also great sorrows and failures. I have walked through life believing that His plans are always greater even when I don't understand why. However, human as I am, anxiety sets in.I have been anxious for quite some time now because there have been a lot of things that are not going according to MY plans. I believe this anxiety is caused by the excess baggage I refuse to leave behind for fear that I might lose all control and my goals will be left unmet. I stare at these baggages and fears and feel that I lack the courage to let them go. I have been trying...and failing. But then again...

On this day, God wants you to know...
... that a new beginning is always possible. Let the greening of the Earth in springtime be a sign for you that a new beginning is always possible, even after the longest, coldest, darkest winter.

...a message of hope always comes to me when I need it the most. I can always try again, right? I don't want to go through life paying for excess baggage and I pray that I may let them go slowly... one day at the time until the Winter passes through and Spring comes to welcome me with a smile. Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that may come from packing random things or signing in on Facebook. HAHA! :p

Thank you, Lord. :D

changing dreams

When Gilmore Girls took my fancy many years ago, I started to dream of getting to Harvard University.

That was my crazy dream.

However, as I grow up and as I begin to experience new things and see through windows of new opportunities, my dreams started to change. There are still those that stay the same but as of the moment, this one has finally taken its final bow.

My mentor, Bo Sanchez, once said that it is important to clearly visualize your dream and claim it as you pray for it. So, I am claiming that two or three years from now, I will find myself in Griffith University- Mount Gravatt Campus pursuing a masters degree on Learning and Teaching in Higher Education. :D

I am praying for it. I am writing it down so you may pray with me as well.
AMDG! :D

loves of my life

Wise men say only fool rush in. But, I can't help falling in love with you. 

They say pictures contain in them a thousand words and so this post is dedicated to the thousand words of love and wonderful memories these different people have  filled my life with. Single as I am, I celebrate Valentine's Day thankful the gift of love and people who have made me who I am today!

My Papa Nono and Mama Marissa

Where you are is where home is. :)

Dodong Bryan

Thank you for bearing with me. 

Best Friends Felice, Ryka, and Maymay!

Sisters -- not in blood but in bond.

Junior Educators' Alliance

Mommy, Daddy and the entire family. :p

TOSP Community

Learning, Serving, Growing, Leading, Talking and Eating for Life! 

Youth For Christ/ Gawad Kalinga Brothers and Sisters
Heaven is here!

EC 08-09
The beginning of many other things. No regrets.

CNU-SSG 0809

We are perfectly imperfect for each other. Right?

College Barkada- Jing2, Yanie, Janna, Mapet, Rhoda, Cyhrine, Man2 and Maris

Friends for life.

AYLA Family

For keeping me grounded, thank you!

4C!

You all make college unforgettable.

4-D!

My first advisory class.

This is one of those days where I am running out of words. So, I'll keep this post at this. 

I am nothing less than blessed. We all are. :D

it's that time of the year again

I opened up Google and smiled when I saw its new image. I just had to post it.

It is one of the cutest images I have ever seen. Though I believe that you should never get into a relationship unless you are "ready" (defined differently but different people), I have to admit that I am in every way, a hopeless romantic. : D 

The very thought of love makes me smile. I would like to share these lines from the Bible which I read whenever February comes knocking in. (I shared this to my Grade Five girls yesterday. They couldn't believe it was in the Bible.)

 ¹If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. ⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ¹¹When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. ¹²Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 ¹³And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13
 :D

never outdone

I didn't bring Wade to the Faculty Room yesterday and that means I wasn't able to blog about anything yesterday. Nevertheless, I will make up for it today!

Last Friday, I traveled to Argao with some of my college friends to attend the funeral of Michelle Nasibog who is scheduled to be buried the following day. We shared jokes as we saw each other for the first time since school ended. But, when we got to Michelle's house, most of us were crying. Some are fighting back the tears. After seeing her in her coffin, we all took a seat as we watched a video tribute made by Aline for her. Our eyes were filled with tears as college memories flashed in front of us. I sobbed when we got to the last part where a video clip of Michelle smiling and waving was inserted. She looked so alive there and yet a few feet away, her body laid quietly in a rectangular box chosen for her.

As I cried, a large dew fell down from the tree whose leaves were right above me. At that moment, I heard God tell me that He is, at that moment, crying with me. Crying with us. Though Michelle is on her journey home, I believe God feels our sadness as we let her go. God can never be outdone in love. It was a great comfort to be reminded that He is STILL the Director of Life despite the sadness that filled our gathering that night.

We did not sleep for the entire time we were there. First, we went inside for the second time as a class and prayed for her. I don't know why but during funerals involving my classmates, I was always asked to lead the prayer. And so, I did. My prayer was short and simple.

Lord, wala mi kabaw ug nganong nauna si Michelle namo. Wa mi kasabot ug ngano gikuha Nimo siya kalit gikan kanamo. Pero, nagtuo mi sa Imong Gugma na labaw sa tanan. Nagatuo kami na ang tanang panghitabo kay nahiuyon lang sa Imong maanindot na plano para namong tanan. Among giampo na imo pasayluon si Michelle sa tanan niyang mga sala. Imo unta siyang dawaton sa langit para mahiuban nimo hangtod sa kahangturan. Bisan ug wala mi kasabot, nangayo kami sa Imong pag-giya ug kusog na maynta kami ug ang iyang pamilya makadawat na wala na jud siya kuyog namo diri sa kalibutan. Tagaan Mo unta kami ug kusog para muatubang aning panghitabua. (Silence for personal intentions and messages) Michelle, iampo mo kaming nahabilin pa ngari. Let us pray...  

We spent the rest of night eating and talking about school, our classrooms, our teaching experiences believe it or not, the upcoming elections. The gathering, though sad, was filled with much love. We were reminded of how short life is and how we all need to spend some time to be with those whom we love before it is too late. I went home tired that day but I know that there are people who are fighting harder battles than I am.

In spite and despite all these, I rest. I rest knowing that the Lord can never be outdone in love and His plans are far greater than ours.

spell challenge

Three of my pupils, Editha Rose Chavez, Cathlyn Sastre and Maria Paulyn Mendoza went to compete in the Banilad Town Center Spell Challenge.

We prayed before every round and we always prayed if a Theresian sits in the contest seat. I am amazed by the kind of faith these ten-year old girls have shown. It was not out of routine, I tell you. This act was born out of a kind of faith that they have developed throughout the years. I felt God's presence among us and in many ways, I was put at ease.

Both Editha and Cathlyn passed through Round 1 after spelling two words accurately. Paulyn participated in a very exciting round where she spelled millennium as "millennium" and was told that she spelled it incorrectly. They realized their mistake and considered her for the second word of the elimination round. Out of nervousness, I think she failed to take note of the definition of the word counselor which she mistakenly spelled as "councilor". Nevertheless, I am very proud of her efforts throughout the trainings. If she took note of the definition, she would have gotten in. :D

For the second round, out of the five words given, only "diocese" was not discussed during our training. Fortunately, they encountered it in their Christian Living class and spelled it correctly. Cathlyn got all the words right while Editha mistakenly spelled fluorescent and lieutenant which were both tricky words worth four and five points respectively. Editha did well given it was the first time she participated in a Spelling Bee, right? :D

For the last round, all the words were included in the review except for "eerie" which was spelled correctly by Cathlyn because she read it in the subtitle of the movie, Alladin. She got perfect in the third round which garnered her the gold medal. :D

At the end of the day, I went home -- a proud coach.
But, I believe, God must have been prouder. :D

first time ko!

It's STC's Independent Learning Day and the pupils are not asked to report to school today so that they will get the chance to learn on their own, thus, the name of the day. The teachers are here in the faculty room after a series of five different meetings doing various tasks. I could be reprimanded because I'm blogging during official school hours. I just felt the urge to blog and since I am trying to nourish this dream of mine to be a writer, in a way or another, I have decided to give in to the call of my fingers and thoughts every time I am available.

For the past three days, I have been training three Grade Four girls for a Spelling Bee competition which will be held tomorrow at Banilad Town Center at around 10:30am. I have never tried being a coach before. Especially, the spelling bee kind of coaching. I really didn't know HOW to go about it. I asked but basically, the goal is simply to expose them to as many correctly spelled words as possible and the many techniques they can use to get the correct spelling of the word even if they are unsure of it. Given the time constraints and the limits of my experience as both teacher and coach, we did five different things during our spelling sessions.

1. Read. I asked them to read spelling dictionaries and their previous spelling lists and familiarize themselves with as many words as possible especially those with double consonants or vowels in between. This gets them excited at first but being young, this gets them bored after a while. When a pupil's interest dies, learning is inhibited as well. So, off to activity number two!

2. Listen. With the help of Wade a.k.a. my laptop and the powerful Encarta dictionary, we listened to the pronunciation of various words that they have encountered. This activity caught their attention since it is, in a way, fun to listen to somebody pronounce the unfamiliar words. There were really words that were unfamiliar even to Ms. Olvido so the tool was handy. After two hours, they got bored listening to it and so I had to think of something else again.

3. Hands-on Learning. I asked them to manipulate the laptop for me. They are to type the words on their own. This acquaints them with the letter-by-letter spelling of the words. And, because they are asked to type and click on their own, they are starting to enjoy the session again since they are seldom given the chance to use a laptop on their own. I sat back and watched them, fearful for my laptop's life. (Joke.) Seriously, I enjoyed watching them enjoy what they are doing and I have noticed that it did help them with the spelling of the unfamiliar words.

4. Spelling Contests. Since we are preparing for a contest, it is important that they get a "feel" of the competitive air that usually fills a venue. First, they had to compete with themselves which means, I read the words and they write it on their notebooks. They get to check them afterwards so that they will also know their mistakes. Sometimes, people remember more when they get it wrong the first time. After they compete with themselves, I wanted to acquaint them with the feeling of having their performance known by other people. So, by the second round, they had to exchange notebooks. I was hoping I could raise a certain level of accountability in the kids with regards to their performance. Later on, we had a spelling contest wherein they had to write their answers on the board. It was a form of simulation for the contest proper. I am smiling as I type this down. I could have researched more on how I could have done the training better so that I could have backed up my strategies with substantial theories. It is one of those things that I only get to realize after the experience has come to pass. Nevertheless, I hope I did the right things.

5. Teach. Before, after and in between all those aforementioned activities, I gave inputs. Inputs like breaking down long words by their root words and suffixes so that they can easily spell them, etc. With the help of a book which Ms. Ceniza got from the school library, tricks of the "spelling trade" were discussed. Aside the serious and technical stuff we did, we also prayed before and after our sessions. I took them out for doughnuts for snacks since all the school stores were closed. We spelled while we walked. We spelled while we ate. We laughed at our mistakes. There were also some times when I scolded them for being careless or for retaining the spelling words that were previously taught and discussed but we never dwell on those moments. Learning, after all, is a lifelong process. When they get to my age, I believe they can even be more knowledgeable than I am. These were just necessary steps to get to where they are and where their potentials could take them.

Are my strategies effective? Would they be enough to merit them a medal or two?

I don't know.

I really don't.

I just pray that they go out there and do their best. I hope they make me proud. That they make us proud. That we make HIM proud. :D

does it really say it all?

Last night, I gave in to the urge of attending to the hallmark card I bought for my aunt who lives in the States. I wrote it last night and I am planning to mail it tomorrow so by the time this gets published, the card is still happily stuck in between the pages of my planner. :D Nevertheless, I am confident that my aunt will not be able to read this.

I love cards. I love reading, giving and receiving them. I remembered the movie, 500 days of summer, where the guy character's work is to write cards. I imagined the many meetings one card has to go through before it gets to a store. The words need to be just right for a given occasion, right?

I am easily touched by words. If you say them at the right time, I believe that you can literally save a life.

My aunt's card says..
I wish that we could spend some time alone to catch up on what's new, to have a laugh or two and share a smile as we look back on special times we've known... I wish that I could be with you, and that we didn't have to be apart. But no matter where we are, near or far, remember that I love you and I'm with you in my heart.

I could have emailed her an "I miss you".. but then again, I'd prefer a card with a written note right beside the printed words. The personal touch and the thoughts that come with it are more than what an email could carry. Plus, effort is pretty much evident. :D

Does a card really say it all? Nah, I don't think so.
But, it pretty much covers all that I need it to.

my personal blog

I have always loved reading. No, I don't necessarily mean school text books. I love to read almost anything that I get my hands on whether it be a copy of the day's paper, an old magazine at the doctor's clinic, a dusty book off a friend's collection or a bestseller sitting on top of a bookstore's shelf. Given the right book, I could sit still in a corner losing sense of both time and even hunger. I would happily travel to places, to what have beens and could have beens, to the past, future and even to avenues surpassing the limits of time.


It is this love that developed in me the passion for writing as well. I would have pursued writing as a career if only I was not convinced that teaching was my one true love. I still dream of becoming a writer. The Bo-Sanchez-kind-of-writer. I am not very acquainted with the technicalities or the terminologies of the craft but the thought of influencing -- in many ways, educating -- people through the written word excites me.

I promised myself that I would blog as often as I can about almost any subject I can think of but I was almost always limited by time. Or maybe, just limited by my excuses. I just knew I had to write one blog today. I just had to start or it might just be another unnourished dream.

So, here it goes. I have just written one more scribble.