Day 11: Day of Virtue: Appreciatio

WOW! I soooo love the task! I am asked to write a letter to someone I am grateful for. I love writing letters so let me get to it. Hahahaha!

Note to self: You are writing very short entries! Why? =)

Day 10: 30 Minutes of Action

Today's task is focused on scheduling something that you've been putting off for a while now. To be honest, I have not really scheduled anything yet (given that more than one task has asked me to schedule an action plan). HAHA! But I guess there is no putting it off now.

I'll keep this short since it's more of the actual DOING that counts than just saying I'd do it. So I am scheduling just two things.

1. Prayer Time - Yes, I've stopped being consistent with my prayer time. Coming back to the heart of worship. Hmm, let me keep my schedule to myself. HAHA

2. Review- Friday 9:00-10:00am

There. Now, to train myself to actually DO it. =)

Day 9: Explore Procrastination

Yes, I am behind just five days more! Wee...

Well, before I begin my "report" for this day's task, I just want to give an update on my day4 challenge! I have spoken to my bestfriends already. I texted my brother and was able to help my cousin too! I am looking forward to finish all my tasks before the end of August. =)

I am doing two tasks per day now just to catch up. I don't want to push it to three since I just might end up doing them for the sake of doing them. So, here is my output for today.

What have I been putting on hold for the past weeks/months?

PREPARING FOR MY MASTERS' COMPREHENSIVE EXAMS AND THESIS

(Well, it this was a task given before Sunday, I would have answered something else. AHAHA)

Why am I procrastinating on this?

• I hate to admit it but I must. I am afraid that I would fail in the exam and not be able to finish my thesis in one semester's time. (My fear of failure still kicking in quite hard.)
• Deeper still, I have been hating the fact that even after graduation, I still had to work harder to prove myself. (This is not one realization that is easy to share. Yes, world... I can be really arrogant when I allow myself to be.)
• I am entertaining a possibility that fate would step in and force me to make a career decision that I do not wish to make. I just don't want to make it my free will's choice. (Pride, I guess.)

Well, as far as I could think, it boils down to pride. Voices at the back of my head are arguing with each other. One side is telling me I need not study or exert that much effort. If I fail, then I'd get sufficient reason to leave. If I pass, then it is destiny that has decided that I stay. The other part, the saner part I should say, is telling me to move along and not be lazy about it. If I fail, I would reassure myself that I did my best. If I succeed, then... I succeed. But I am truly feeling a bit lazy about it...and so tired trying to accomplish these together with other concerns that sound more pressing.

Nevertheless, time is against me. I can no longer postpone it as much as I already have. October is fast approaching and everything about Calculus is starting to sound all Greek to me. I have to start now.. Maybe this week, while Intrams is going on, I can make that trip to the library that I have promised myself I'd make.

Pray with me, please. =)

Day 8: Call a Friend

Today's task has been the most enjoyable task I've ever done so far. We need to call a friend whom we have not spoken to for a long time and reconnect--- so to speak.

I was chatting with a few friends over facebook at that time and I wondered to myself as to who to call. I just called my bestfriends yesterday (part of my day 4 task!) so they were out of the list. I have not been in touch with most of my friends since they are all 'busy' people and because.. well, I have not exerted as much effort as I used to in spending time with them. Maybe it's because of the constant rejection to invitations that have made me stop initiating get-togethers or it could be because I had problems with my own schedule too. Whatever my reasons were, I am now given the chance to talk to one friend... and I chose Rhea.

Rhea and I have known each other since first year college. We were not very close in my early years in the tertiary level but our friendship started to grow in the later years when we were given the chance to work together in certain organizations. I have grown to admire her leadership and management style too. Well, we grow closer after graduation when we started doing things together outside school. We did the Bisita Iglesia together with other friends and we had dinners together too. Twice, we spent hours just talking to each other, eating and going to confession.

It's been a long time since I spoke to her so I called her up. And true to the task, our conversation did flow so naturally as if we just continued a recent conversation. We spoke about a lot of things but mostly we just settled with our favorite topic... our "love lives" (that is, if I have one to speak of. HAHA!). Then we watched youtube videos together, though apart (Thank God for internet) and then laughed at a few scenes from Maalaala Mo Kaya. The conversation went on and on and on... After that, I felt energized. I truly believe that one of the most priceless gifts life has to offer is an honest conversation with a friend.

Well, maybe I ought to reconnect some more. Who to call next? =)

Day 6-7: Get Your 30BBM in Order

Wow! This is one pleasant surprise! Looks like I am not as delayed as I thought I was! We are given time to catch up with the missing challenges. Well, a time for a short pause and reflection.

I have been listening to Harry Potter audio books lately. I'm on Book 5 Chapter 35 already. It's blaring right now out of my laptop while I am typing this entry. I've been trying to distract myself from things that were distracting me these past few days. Am I making sense? Well, I don't think so. So that's the best description of me right now... distracted.

I have tons of papers to check, grades to compute, students and classes to manage for school work. Personal concerns are not helping me get these things in row. The desire of trying to become a better person has been lessened quite a bit. Just lost a lot of motivation to pursue it. But maybe this is the purpose of this task. I just need to breathe a while. I want nothing but a day of rest too.

Yesterday, while I reached an almost-breaking-point, I attended a mass at Sto. Rosario and the first reading struck me. It was a letter from Paul to the Philippians. I remember that line about forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to the path laid out by the Lord towards Him. I think it was got me through that day. The knowledge that there is tomorrow to look forward to. Maybe tomorrow is going to be better. Maybe tomorrow, all of these things will make sense. Well, I KNOW these things but there are just days when knowing just isn't enough. I needed to BELIEVE again. Believe in the greatness within me. Believe in the plans He has for me. Believe in myself. Believe in those around me. Believe in love. Believe in His love.

I hope that I will be able to finish all my ten "tasks" for kindness and catch up with the other tasks too. More than that, however, I wish I could get my life in order too.

Day 5: Character Board

Before anything else, just a short update from my task on Day 4 first. Haha, out of 12, I was only able to do 2! Ironed the newly-washed clothes for my mother and cleaned our house. Sad, right? Sadder is the fact that I am still on Day 5 out of 11 tasks! Sheessshh. Well, I am back now.

The task for Day 5 is kind of exciting! It involves pictures. Weee... (Sorry, just feeling like I want to be child-like today)!

First, I have to identify the five core ideal traits that my ideal self possesses. Hmm.. that would be as follows (in no particular order):

• LOVE unconditionally
• PASSIONATE in pursuing the path to EXCELLENCE
• GRATEFUL in every circumstance
• HAPPY. Just HAPPY.
• CONFIDENT of myself and His plans for me

Now, I'm just going to look for images that would stand for these things... and TADA! I can't figure out how to transfer the picture below this text so please refer to the one on top of this post. =) All pictures were taken from various sites through Google.

Well, it's not everything that I hope it would be but it's very close. Right? Well, it makes me hopeful whenever I see it. Someday... =)

Day 4: Day of Virtue: Kindness

Since I am late for the other tasks, I'm doing two tasks in one setting. I know it's not a race but I am truly in the 'reflection' mode right now. So here goes Day 4!

Our task today is to be kind. Being focused on one value for today, I need to write 'actions' that I will do today that will reflect the kindness in me. =) Okay... I have twelve hours left to work on this challenge so I will write down 12 things I will do today. Tomorrow, before I do task 5, I'm going to report on how far I've gone through my list. Okay? Let me see...

1. Smile to a complete stranger.

2. Greet a student (that I will meet today) first.

3. I will iron the newly-washed clothes for my mother.

4. I will asks how my father's day was.

5. I will text my brother to tell him to take care of himself today.

6. I will help my cousin with her investigatory project.

7. I will clean our house.

8. I will give a random call to all my bestfriends today just to check how they are.

9. Share my food to my classmates tonight during our class.

10. Pray for those who have hurt me.

11. Help a stranger.

12. Give a member of the school staff a thank-you gift.

=)

Day 3: Discover Your Ideal Self

Late for Day 3! That's okay. I am doing this today. =)

The task is to describe your 'ideal' self. When will I consider myself as someone with a 10/10 personality? Hmmm...

My ideal self will already know how to love without asking for anything in return. She is kind and caring to all those around here regardless of how they treat her. She will love herself and take care of her needs knowing that she can never give what she does not possess. She forgives herself when she falls short and will try to learn her lessons faster so she doesn't keep on repeating the same mistakes. She is patient and understanding. She will not hold grudges on all those who have hurt her, intentionally or not... knowing that each person has his/her own battles to fight. She will look at her life always half-glass full rather than half-glass empty. She is grateful and she will cherish her blessings everyday, being mindful that she is blessed so that she too can be a blessing.

She will have managed her life properly in the sense that she is a good steward of the Father. Knowing that all she has is not hers but are lent to her so she may bear more fruit, she will work hard to be the best that she can be so she may fulfill the purpose laid long ago deep in her heart. She will listen to her heart more... with more courage this time. She will walk through rain and dance. She will be more wise in choosing her battles. She will take care of her relationships more.

She is beautiful inside and out. She will smile more and choose to be happy no matter what the circumstance knowing that each second she is given is a gift. She will always remember that she is not alone even when it feels like she is. She will be passionate about life, always in pursuit of her dreams and aspirations. She is persistent and confident. She will not be afraid of what other people might say about her as long as she knows she is doing things right. She'd speak out more for what she believes in and stand up for it when opposition arises.

She will prioritize family and all those whom she loves. She will live each day to the fullest. She will love as if she'd never bee hurt. She may cry like there's no tomorrow but after that, she'll get up and keep moving forward full of hope.

=)

Day 2: Understand Your Negative Traits

Wee... Off to the second day of the challenge! (I really hope I can finish this all the way through!)

The task is right here. My answers are as follows:

1. Three traits that I would like to work on this month: (1) lack of discipline, (2) being a harsh self-critic and (3) having a low self-esteem.

2.1. Why do I think I lack discipline? I lack discipline because I always end up overdoing things. When I work, I end up doing too much of it that I forget to rest. When I rest, I tend to overdo it that I miss out on a lot of my work. Oftentimes too, I get hooked up to a movie, book or koreanovela that I sleep super late and then wake up tired and regretting what I did. I just get caught up in "moments" that I fail to take things in moderation.

2.2 I am a harsh self-critic because I always see something wrong in everything I do. I'm not kidding. Though it can be a good thing since I always see spots to improve on but in the long run, it is not a healthy practice. I am, after all, just another human being. There are times when I sink in to moments of "depression" because of my thoughts which, in retrospect, really scares me.

2.3. People may think I am confident and maybe I am but I really do not have a high esteem for myself. There is really a difference between the two... but I'm not going to differentiate it either. What I am trying to point out is that I think my second and third trait are quite related. Because I always see something wrong with what I do, I end up thinking something's wrong with who I am. Hmm.. does that make sense?

3. I want to change all these traits since these are hindering me into becoming the best person that I can be. If I don't start disciplining myself, I would grow to hate myself later on because I am the only person to be blamed for all the 'mismanagement' going on in my life. The other two, if not addressed, will soon lead me to abandoning who I am and then trying to be somebody I am not which I really do not wish to happen. I really want to learn to love myself... so that I too can truly learn how it is to love others.

4. Baby steps to changing...

4.1. Sleep and wake up on time. Haha, God knows that I have been sincerely trying to do this but every attempt is just a MAJOR failure. Schedule movie/koreanovela nights and stick to it. Never overwork so I don't get tempted to over-rest. LOL.

4.2. Say something good about myself everyday. Self-praise? =)

4.3. Everyday, before I sleep, think about something good I have done during the day and then be grateful for it. Be grateful for who I am.

5. SCHEDULE IT! =) Ohkamon.

Lemme start tomorrow then! My clock tells me it's 11:00pm already and I have work to be done so maybe tomorrow. Promise. =)

I hope I'll keep that.

Day 1: Assess Yourself

This entry is going to be the first of it's kind. =) My bestfriend, Maymay, and I have decided to join this online challenge about becoming better "us" in thirty days. Other than to "trying to be better versions of ourselves", I joined in because this is something I'd get to do with my bestfriend even if she's miles away from me. <3

First challenge is to answer these questions:

1. If you were to rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 (in terms of your personality), how much would you rate yourself?
2. Why did you give yourself the score in Q1?
   • State down specific reasons why – At least 3-5 points to explain your score.
   • Elaborate as much as you can. The more you write, the better.
3. Now, write down 5-7 traits about yourself you want to work on.
• These can be traits you don’t like about yourself, or traits you are okay with but you want to eradicate because they serve no value to you.

I am sharing my answers to the world! So to speak. Haha! Just because I can and I want to. No, really.. for some time now, I have been reading personal blogs more. Some of the writers I know in person but there are those who don't know me and some still who I have never met. Nevertheless, reading their entries have touched me in many ways. They don't write like Bo Sanchez or Paulo Coelho (two of my favorite bloggers). They just tell their stories. Their day-to-day stories sound so ordinary... and yet sometimes they just hit the right spot that leave me empowered in so many ways. Inspired by this, I decided to just write about my everyday stories too. Maybe somewhere out there, I get to inspire someone else.

So.. here are my answers.

1. I rated myself an "8". Reading through the sharings in the blog, a lot of people have rated themselves so low that I was wondering to myself if I rated myself right. But then again, if I changed my rating just so I can fit in the "trend", I would have defeated the purpose of the entire challenge. So, I am sticking to my answer.

2. I gave myself an "8" because I have always felt that I'm "almost there" but just not "there" yet. Eight may sound so high of a rating but for me, it's not really more of how high or low the score is... I just feel that I have been stuck in the same position for so long a time. In many angles, staying where you are is much worse that having no movement at all. That is how I have been feeling. It's not a very good feeling at all. I like myself but there are some things that I really "hate" about being me. I feel like I am pulled by two extremes that give the exact same pull that I end up not moving at all.

3. Traits that I would like to work on:

• Indulging in self-pity/ Being a harsh self-critic
• Lack of discipline
• Fear of getting too close to people
• Being unforgiving of self and others
• Being too serious and sensitive
• Over-thinking even in the simplest of matters
• Low self-esteem

These are the first things that came to my mind. I hope I don't regret writing this entry in the morning. =)

Day 1 is done!