Day 9: Explore Procrastination

Yes, I am behind just five days more! Wee...

Well, before I begin my "report" for this day's task, I just want to give an update on my day4 challenge! I have spoken to my bestfriends already. I texted my brother and was able to help my cousin too! I am looking forward to finish all my tasks before the end of August. =)

I am doing two tasks per day now just to catch up. I don't want to push it to three since I just might end up doing them for the sake of doing them. So, here is my output for today.

What have I been putting on hold for the past weeks/months?

PREPARING FOR MY MASTERS' COMPREHENSIVE EXAMS AND THESIS

(Well, it this was a task given before Sunday, I would have answered something else. AHAHA)

Why am I procrastinating on this?

• I hate to admit it but I must. I am afraid that I would fail in the exam and not be able to finish my thesis in one semester's time. (My fear of failure still kicking in quite hard.)
• Deeper still, I have been hating the fact that even after graduation, I still had to work harder to prove myself. (This is not one realization that is easy to share. Yes, world... I can be really arrogant when I allow myself to be.)
• I am entertaining a possibility that fate would step in and force me to make a career decision that I do not wish to make. I just don't want to make it my free will's choice. (Pride, I guess.)

Well, as far as I could think, it boils down to pride. Voices at the back of my head are arguing with each other. One side is telling me I need not study or exert that much effort. If I fail, then I'd get sufficient reason to leave. If I pass, then it is destiny that has decided that I stay. The other part, the saner part I should say, is telling me to move along and not be lazy about it. If I fail, I would reassure myself that I did my best. If I succeed, then... I succeed. But I am truly feeling a bit lazy about it...and so tired trying to accomplish these together with other concerns that sound more pressing.

Nevertheless, time is against me. I can no longer postpone it as much as I already have. October is fast approaching and everything about Calculus is starting to sound all Greek to me. I have to start now.. Maybe this week, while Intrams is going on, I can make that trip to the library that I have promised myself I'd make.

Pray with me, please. =)